So, pick me. Choose me. Love me.

Mmm. I am finally coming home tomorrow night.
I've missed my bathroom and my room so so much (no, I do not miss my window, Slimy).
So much for thinking of completing all my math homework on this trip. I barely even did half of it. =.=
What mother always tells me is true, every bone is my body is a lazy one.
I think I've put on quite some weight just sitting here infront of the desktop and lazing around on the bed reading the entire time I've been here.
I SWEAR my ass has gotten bigger.
And my tummy... don't get me started.

I was reading an article on the 7 deadly sins.

And I thought to put in order starting from the sin that I least commonly commit to the one that I most commonly commit.


7. Sloth
6. Envy
5. Greed
4. Pride
3. Lust
2. Wrath
1. Gluttony


Yes, my number 1 sin would be gluttony. I LOVE food. I definitely live to eat.
And I hate being fat too, but not enough to stop me eating the way I do.

I need to take up some sort of sport before I really become a real beached whale.

Anyone wanna go jogging with me on Monday and Thursday mornings? Cos my classes only start at 10 on those days haha.

And sigh, I've been plagued with the too-much-time-and-nothing-to-do syndrome so much so my mind has been running wild.
I've been thinking so much about everything that I've become so overly sensitive and I almost did a lot of silly things which I would later regret. Almost, thankfully.


Ah, one more night. Just one more night and I'll be home where I belong.

People just never see what's right infront of them... or maybe they do.

I arrived in Penang late afternoon yesterday, at around 4pm.
Everything's still the same; the sweltering heat, the food, totally nothing whatsoever to do...

I'll be staying in my grandmother's place til this Wednesday, and then taking the 5pm bus back home.
I've got so much work to complete, I guess I should start on it soon.

I'm just thanking God my cousin didn't disconnect the streamyx when he went to UK for work.

Mmmm wanna go partying again this week. I just can't seem to get enough.
But I have my whole life ahead of me... so I shall be patient. Heeee.


Gah gonna eat my authentic penang hokkien mee and do Mech.
OMFG MECH.


If you don't see what's right infront of you, soon it will be too late.

Disastrous

I think I need counseling.


Ultimate boredom + Early month allowance = Buying shit I don't need





My lips look as if a mishap happened when injecting collagen ha ha.
No, I did not inject any collagen into my lips.




I just bought another pair of shades when I've 3 already.
Just please tell me it's pretty and that my RM20 was well spent.
Then I bought earrings. The 3 for RM10. They're cheap and pretty la... but I hardly wear earrings these days. If any of you have noticed.

Then I bought another pair of shorts. Which turns out, doesn't really look good on me.

GAH HOW LA LIKE THIS?
I keep spending money like water money doesn't seem to stay put in my pretty Cambodian silk purse I spent like RM600 last month on GOD KNOWS FREAKIN WHAT and looks like I'll be starving the rest of the month AAHHHH (shut up Aiman I know I'm fat and starving abit won't kill me but I still don't wanna) and to feel better about myself I am now wearing my shades in my room with no sun while typing this post no it's not actually working but what the hell I paid RM20 may as well put it to good use even if it does mean wearing shades indoors SIGH I NEED COUNSELING LA like the ones where it's in a group and everyone goes up to confess (Hi everyone, I'm Hwee Ching and... I'm a shopaholic. I managed to spend RM600 this month on shit I don't even need. *Clapclapclapclap*) yeah you get what I mean right and I just feel like eating right now to kill the guilt for my uncontrollable spending but je suis grande and I... I...


Sigh.



I'll be off to Penang tomorrow morning to visit my grandmama, will be gone till Wednesday.
My cousin isn't coming with me, so that means I'll be left to my own devices.
There's no computer and no Astro (I think) and the weather is motherfuckingly hot.
I'll be bringing my whole mountain of Mech and Stats and Coremath work there to complete, and a book to read. I think I'll go insane.

I hope my mum will let me go to the beach alone.
A little suntanning would be nice...

Perhaps I'll discover something or see the light during those four days of solitude and end up gaining something ha ha ha NO LAH FUCK I THINK I'LL JUST GO INSANE LOR.

If only I had a laptop or something to bring along then everything wouldn't be so bad... I could go to free wifi places but I don't own a freaking laptop sigh damnit.

And I've a dumb Mech test the following Monday and Mr. Anuar says that if we do badly he'll write us a bad review WTF so bad do you think he'll go easy on me if I tell him that it's not that I don't do my homework and stuff but it's cos I'M STUPID?


Sigh. Anyhow. I am going to eat.

How cruel is the Golden rule?

I like this guy.


I thought he liked me.


But then I found out that he likes someone else.


I don't feel that affected by that fact.


No, wait. I am.


Very affected, in fact.


Aiman knows best.


Hmmm.


Funny how things seem to turn out this way most of the time.


I never told him how I felt.


Owh well.


It doesn't matter now does it?


Mmmm.


Owh well.




Owh well.



Anyhow. Aiman and I went to Digital Mall in SS14 to collect his graphic card a few days ago.
We've been doing this once-a-week-dinner thing for the past month.
I love digital malls. I like playing with the latest models of laptops on display and other coool electronic gadgets (I saw this fish locater thingamajig where it locates the fish so you know where to throw your line DAMN COOL).

While we were playing with the laptops this salesman left his fb poker game while he attended to a customer (which happened to be Penguin's dad) so my itchy fingers decided to.... "EXCUSE ME." I heard, in a really pissed off tone of voice.

I quickly turned and walked away *shy* hahaha.
Slimy automatically used his hand to cover his face HAHAHHA.

But then as I thought about it, he didn't have to be so rude to me.
Fine, my fingers were itchy but he could have told me off nicely. I bet his momma didn't teach him any manners.
So I walked past him again with the most dignified air I could conjure up haha.

After we got bored of playing with the displayed stuff, we went to have dinner at the restaurant right next to Digital Mall.








Where we had dinner




Slimy skinny tapeworm curly boy






Eat so much but cannot get fat but I eat a little FAT LIKE SHIT :(




I so manly ha ha.




I need sleep, sigh.

You made me love you; I didn't wanna do it, I didn't wanna do it...

Everyone's slowly leaving one by one.
Dina will be gone in August, and others will follow one by one...

Just two nights ago I went for Caryn's send off dinner at Plus One Shabu Shabu.
I like Shabu Shabu.

She's went to Kedah to study Dentistry in a local U.

Sigh.. one by one.


I sure hope I'll learn to let go in the next two years, because if not I'll be suffering quite a bit haha.

The first important person to leave was Jade, and then Eugene.
And next, Dina.

I don't like this part of life.






Lao gong hui hen xiang ni. Ni hui lai de shi hou wo men dong fang hao bu hao? :(






Ash and Botak :)








We took sticker pictures. HAHA.



I think sticker pictures are a serious waste of good money man.
The pictures don't even come out clear! (but I don't exactly mind actually since I look best in pictures which are blur =.= ha ha.)
But I didn't pay for it la so heeee.

I got so caught up with not knowing how to do my Mech work so much so after I'd finished it all (MIRACULOUSLY) I thought I was done with all my homework.
But I still have 20 questions to do for core math and 15 of them are long questions. =.=

Sigh... I think it's the alcohol, cos I don't actually feel like I give a shit right now.

Haha.

Now I know I've got to run away; I've got to get away...

Life has been BORING.
Same old shit everyday (with very minor variations): wake up, college, evening nap (sometimes I do homework at this time =.= ), homework and poker (poker is more of a bonding time for baby and I), sleep and then repeat cycle.

Then the weekend comes along.
Same thing with same people.
Sigh. I need some excitement.







Dina got UWC; Armand-Hammer, New Mexico, USA.
I am SO proud of her. I knew she'd get it when she told me she applied.
I do admit that I am envious too.
She'll be gone in August... soon, very soon.
Time is running out.

Slimy asked me to do this personality test, and it put me in this category which tells me more about my personality.
Everything that's written there... so fucking true man.
So true it's scary.
After you've been categorized, go to http://www.personalitypage.com/
to find out more about your category.
Tells you many things you never really noticed about yourself.
And also things which you've been trying to deny. Damn cool.

It also recommends careers which suit your character, and all the careers recommended to me are not what I'm studying to be right now.
Nothing. Nada.
The first one recommended was performing arts.
Which tells me that I should be taking Eng Lit instead of frickin Further Math...







Sigh. So many bad decisions. I don't even know exactly what I should do right now.
Drop further math? Or go on with it? Take it till I can't take it anymore?
Sigh.


Sigh.








My eyebrows need to be shaped.
And I need to stop waiting for people who don't even know I'm waiting for them.

If you don't shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it?

I set my iTunes on shuffle yesterday night, and this song played.
It's one of those songs which I downloaded like 983739847 years ago but never really bothered listening to it.
I have a lot of songs like that, cos when I like one song from a band/singer I download a few of their tunes to listen to, and usually don't have the patience to listen to all of them. =.=

So anyway, my iTunes shuffled to Damien Rice's 9 Crimes.
I never knew I had such a good emo song man.
I was skeptical about Damien Rice cos his songs aren't usually like the mainstream shit (haha yes I think it's shit but I like it except Simple Plan omg hate Simple Plan) I listen to.
Anyway, if any of you haven't heard of this song (I doubt so la haha quite old already) go download.

Tonight I was supposed to go partying with my college friends (thus marking the end of all my shitty loser nights) BUT I CAME DOWN WITH A FEVER YESTERDAY mahai.
Super soredog.

So I was thinking of doing homework cos I got DAMNED a lot of it but damn lazy.
I've been sitting here in front of my com since 8.30 til now.
Sigh... damn stone. Nothing to do (besides homework). I feel as if my tummy got even bigger from sitting here since after dinner not budging.
I'm rotting laaaa omg.

And I want McD's breakfast sigh... you'd think that I'd have McD's a lot since there's a McD's at college but I only had it once since I started March 24th.


And when is my period gonna come laaa enough of pms lor JUST COME ALREADY DAMNIT!

And I'm so glad my econs lecturer is gna be replaced soon I get SO annoyed when she calls me LIM I mean you'd think she's all chinese educated that having to pronounce a Chinese name would be easier all but noooooo Hwee Ching is too difficult a chinese name to remember so LIM it is!
Gah. Confinement on a Friday night when I should be partying is killing me.

I knew that the lights of the city were too heavy for me

My dad quite emo.
I told him I was going to be back abt 9 or so, but I should have anticipated the peak hour jam la. =.= Sigh I'm so un-streetwise.
And we couldn't find the bloody bank so I called up to tell him I'll be late.
He was like "owhkay take care of yourself k" but I should've known he'd be quite emo la.
I feel guilty haha..

I googled Bank Pertanian Malaysia to find the nearest one around, cos I don't see ANY Bank Pertanians around. Should've asked Fairuz from the beginning...
Anyway, I googled and found one in Taman Sea. SS23/15.

So I got Aiman to take me there... we went round and round but no fucking farmer's bank I was damn emo.
Then after a few calls all Aiman took me to the Subang one to withdraw my money.
I don't know what I'd do without that skinny tapeworm slimy boy la.
I didn't actually want to ask him to take me all the way to Subang but I really needed my money and he offered la anyway... HEHEHEHE I LOVE YOU LAAAA SLIIIMMYYY. :) :) :)

Dina came with us too and we had quite an overpriced dinner at Dharoos.
Even mamaks are getting expensive man.
My dinner was like 8.70 just for nasi goreng ayam and bandung.
Jelutong it'd only be like 6 bucks.. mmm cut throat. :(






Banana Fritters


I really need to start controlling my spending.
If I continue like this I'm gonna be in debt when I get older and that is gonna suck.
Have to start working on keeping my money from going out mann... and I keep feeling sleepy WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I slept 2 hours in the evening before going out on a road trip to look for farmer's bank and now I'm feeling sleepy AGAIN.
I need to exercise. I look like Im 6 months pregnant sigh.


And I SUCK at mechanics and it's only the basic of the basic right now and I can't even do this HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA COPE??

I should quit being a hero and just drop it.


Yes, I should.


And I've been thinking; what is it with us girls that makes us so weak?
I know SO many girls who are being treated like shit in their relationships but they still hang on to those guys.
They want to let go, but yet they can't. And then they end up holding on for years.. myself included.
Some don't even acknowledge that their boyfriend's an asshole.
A lot of us girls keep talking strong and stuff, but when the time comes, WILL we be as strong as we said we would?
Many of us say things like "if he lies to me multiple times Im just gonna leave him, so not worth my time" or "If he's not treating me well, I'll just end it"or "How can those girls STAND that kind of attitude? If it were me I'd have dumped him a LONG time ago" and everything else along the same lines;

but when they themselves (me included) are in this kind of more-hurt-than-it's-worth relationships, they become weak.
They gather up the courage to walk away, but yet keep turning back.
Why are we like that?

We KNOW that we're just gonna get hurt further but we still hold on.
We KNOW that they're not worth us but we still try to accept the shit they throw at us.

And why? All because we're too attached... some may use the term too "inlove".

I wonder if guys actually go through this kinda shit too.


I hope they do. =P

Oh, the guilt!

Mmmm I am feeling damn guilty right now.
I ditched all my homework and now I can't stop thinking of all my undone work... I mean it's not like my lecturer cares (Noel Chia keeps going: "It's your own life. You don't have to do it if you don't want to. But when exam comes... don't start wishing you did your homework when you didn't owhkaay hahahaha..." Sigh niama. =.=) anyway.

I'll just do it tonight! Along with all the other crappy homework that's gonna come today... gahh fuuuck. I should've done my homework instead of bumming around the entire afternoon yesterday. :(

I miss those days in secondary school when I could just ditch my homework without the least bit of guilt.
Whatever happened to those dayyss??
Why do I feel as if I'm gonna fail math for A-levels just cos I didn't do one set of exercises?! (Owhkay fine I'm exaggerating just a tad)

Oh, the bloody guilt is killing me. =.=



***



Dear Andrew,


I never knew you, but I will pray for you.
Good luck moving on.

You will be missed by many, and never forgotten.

It's never about anyone else, it's always about myself...

I mentioned that I've been going through FTWC since I started college right?
Well now, I think it has finally come to an end.

For starters, I wore the same pair of shorts twice in three days.
I skipped Econs tutorial on Friday to eat KFC and chitchat with Leyshani AND I'm damned fucking lazy to do my homework right now.
So much so I'm thinking of not doing my coremath at all.
It's only simple simple coordinate geometry anywaay...

And accounts! It's only a recap of Dokumen in English and I know I totally nailed that part in SPM.
So no neeeedd laaa....


Yes. FTWC is definitely over for me.


On another note, I passed my Undang test! :D
Heeee (I must now brag a little about it) and I only started doing some of the questions from each part like around 12am last night and then went to sleep at 1.20am cos I was so damned worn out from the days before, then got up at 8 and did a few more of the questions.

And I got a 44! HEEEEEE I feel gooood.
Owhkay la I know some people didn't study even a little and got like 49/50 and shit but who cares la owhkay I FRICKIN PASSED!
I was damn scared of failing cos that would just put my license on hold once again and I hate having to dig out my pockets for cab fare almost every time I need to get somewhere not to mention having to deal with arsed cab drivers sometimes.


Ah... I can almost smell my P license.


Nyeh. Fine I'll go do my homework now.

Get nasty!

I have damn fricking a lot of homework weiy.
There's accounts, umpteen questions from c1, 5 ques from mech, and 4 ques from stats and err... owh crap I ponteng-ed econs class on Friday meaning I've to borrow Ms. Korea's notes to copy.
AAHHHHHH SO MUUCCHH WORRRKKK LAAZZZYYYYYYYYYYY.
And I'm feeling so worn out from the activities of the past two days; been out since I finished class at 12noon on Friday.

My undang test is tomorrow morning and I haven't even started reading a thing. Gah I wonder if it's too much to hope to pass...









I don't know what is it with me and studying.
It's really hard to get me to start, and it's even harder for me to keep concentrating... I keep getting distracted! =.=
I just started reading as I looked up and saw my camera sitting there and started taking pictures of myself.
Then I decided to post those pictures into my blog (hence the random pictures of myself ha ha), as well as update it.

And now I feel sleeepy... but I don't wanna fail! :(
So I shall stay awake long enough to read the notes he asked us to, and I'll do the questions tomorrow morning. Yes. Good idea.

Aaahhhh I haven't even washed my faaccceee....









Gah owhkay STUDY!

Attention people!

Ying wants to tell you something.

AUDITIONS FOR PERFORMANCES FOR THE CAL GRAD BALL 2008


Details are as such :

It will be held in between the 21st of April to the 25th of April 2008

Please tell ALL your friends about it. the performers are not restricted to merely Taylors students, but people from OUTSIDE of Taylors as well! :)
Feel free to inform anyone and everyone about our auditions!

We also welcome all kinds of performances, not just the usual dance or band performances! so feel free to contact us regarding any talents / performances (i.e. clogging, beatboxing, miming whatsoever! )

DO remind them to email us at www.junian@gmail.com (mind you the www. is part of the email ) or contact Jun Ian at 0169554388 to set up a slot !! :)

On a totally unrelated note,
My printer ran out of ink Im emo.

Cos I'd give you my heart, if you'd let me start all over again.

My life currently revolves around my homework, and my social life is quite non existent during the weekdays.

Dina calls it, the First-Two-Weeks-of-College Syndrome (FTWC).


What is FTWC, you ask?
Mmm well, lemme explain.


The symptoms of this syndrome are:

1. You NEVER wanna be late for any class.
2. You wanna wear something different to class everyday.
3. You pay attention in class (some even sit right in the front row)
4. You finish ALL your homework ON TIME and SELF-DONE.



Many go through this syndrome for a period of two weeks and then it will slowly start to wear off; like they stop caring what they wear to classes anymore, they start sitting in the back of class and not paying much attention and who cares about doing homework and being on time anyway.

Yes. I am going through FTWC right now.

I've successfully worn a different outfit to college since I started last Monday.
I've not been late even once.
I've been sitting in the front row with my Korean friend and actually paying attention. My old friends know I NEVER do that. (If I was ever in the front row in secondary school was cos the teacher probably got pissed at me and forced me to sit in front)
Last but not least... I've been finishing all my exercises. ALL. (haha I remember the times when the first thing I'd do upon arrival in class was AMELIA/SING RU I NEED YOUR HOMEWORK! Ah... secondary school days. I do miss it.)

Actually, I'm dreading the time when FTWC wears off.
The past two weeks I've felt like someone new, responsible and may actually have a shot in scoring in my finals come next June if this continues.
I want the part where I wanna wear something different to college everyday to wear off la, cos I absolutely despise thinking abt what to wear in the mornings after getting up; it's like I want to not care about what I wear but I care anyway. You know?
Mmm I miss my very figure-unflattering uniforms. :(


Anyway, change of subject.

While doing my core math homework just now I got bored, so I went on facebook awhile. (haha yes my attention span is VERY short)

Was scrolling through my profile page briefly when my ex-boyfriends name caught my attention.
I clicked.

His primary display picture was of him holding an adorable little boy who had a huge smile on his face.
Well, let me just say that I think I'm going through PMS now (easily angered and annoyed and irritated, been going on an eating marathon the past two days) so I did something quite childish.


I wrote on his wall: Whose cute kid is that? YOURS? HAHAHAHAHAHA


What I was trying to imply to him was that he knocked up some chic and had a kid.
It was a sarcastic remark; I thought it quite obvious!
But instead,

He replied me this: haha... super adorable lo.. xD how i wish it was mine le... but nope nope... its my cousin's sister punya anak... always bully me to buy stuff for him wan....


Sigh. Daft. =.=

It's no wonder I look for brains in a guy now.
Not his parents' money, not his car (but it would be really convenient.. HAHA), not his social standing and definitely NOT cos he looks good.


Haha owhkay perhaps it's quite mean for me to diss him publicly in my blog but I don't think you people know whom Im speaking of anyway (if you do just pretend you don't la k haha) so no biggie!
Besides, he doesn't read my blog anyway.
Let me be a little more bolder and say that he probably doesn't like reading or maybe he CAN'T read... owhkay fine that was the bitter part of me speaking.


Eiiih cooool the sky is now a shade of amber! My whole room is filled with an orange light...


Anyway where was I? Right. The bitter part.
It's not that I'm not over him and the bitterness already, just that sometimes I can't resist allowing myself to feel a little resentment towards him.
You know, I think a girl never stops hating the guy whom she once loved who dumped her.
Even though the circumstances at the time may have been a two-sided thing; meaning both were responsible for the break up, a girl forgets her pain mostly by hating and blaming the guy completely. It's way better than thinking of the good times and trying to treat him as a good friend because that we're-good-friends-shit will never happen. So let's not be delusional, shall we?

And somehow I think a little of that hate stays even after a lengthy period of time.

Hence, my sudden urge to write my ex-boyfriend a sarcastic remark on his facebook wall.

Which he didn't even understand. =.=


Mmm... now the sky is a strange hue of purple; violet, I think.



Pretty.