You are the only exception

I'll never forget how you smell today. It's not the way you usually smell... but better.

Goodbyes are difficult.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck

New Year's Eve is so overrated. It is just a landmark in time to show just how long time has gone by; nothing happy about it. So I don't understand why people go "Happy 2010!" or "Have a good 2010" and acting like it's a huge deal when it really isn't. Most of the time, nothing actually changes.

And why "Happy 2010"? How sure are you that 2010 is going to be happy? As well as "Have a good 2010" how sure are you that 2010 will actually be good?

Oh new year's resolutions... _|_ I don't see why people even bother making new year's resolutions when 90% of it doesn't happen anyway. Just a way to assuage a person's guilt for not doing things they were supposed to; with a promise that they will do it in the coming year, when as I've said, probably doesn't happen after that.

Alright fine, some argue that they get all psyched about new years because it's a time to change oneself, to start anew, to adopt better habits and etc well if we go along those lines why don't we celebrate every fuggin day, then? Well as they say, every day is a new day. So why do we choose this one day, the 31st of December to lie to ourselves and make pretense on supposedly future efforts to be better people? Why the hell do we even bother?


I don't know when I became such a cynic.


I have got 8 essays to write, one Library workbook thing, a Micro test and I have not started on even one. I have 14days to finish them, but in actuality I only have 6 days because Jade's coming and we'll be hanging out a lot and yeah I could do it even but honestly, I just can't be arsed. Like right now, I could be using the time to write my essays but here I am, writing crap that's on my mind. As per usual.

I am only beginning to feel the I-may-not-get-them-done-on-time pressure, but it's not big enough to actually make me get down to anything right now. Which sucks... because I do want to, I just... don't want to. I am making sense.


Right, so goodbye, 2009. Goodbye, teenage years and all the rights to irresponsibility. Goodbye, carefree days. Goodbye, childhood.



Hello, Big Bad World. I am ready.

I am afraid.

Was at 1U with Leysh yesterday.
We went to watch the movie 21, out of pure boredom; and also cos I've seen everything else that's worth watching already anyway.






My favorite Indian friend




My face is so ROUND




I is a happy fat girl carbonara ME LIKEY






Such a pretty dress, yes? RM569 (or something like that lah).
And you see that grey top hanging there? I WANT :( RM48 sigh.



x



Dina's leaving in a few days; and to be honest, I am afraid.
I have been afraid since... since I heard about it I guess.

I've always had problems with letting go. And Dina is someone whom I've been with since primary school, we have so many memories together.
I know that sooner or later we're all going go to our separate ways; I just didn't think it this soon.

Which is why I haven't been asking you out the past month, because I am afraid; because I know it will be one of our last times together as kids... the next time we meet, we're probably grown up already. Adults.
I know that reason is kind of stupid, but I don't know how to put what I'm feeling into proper phrases.
Although we've pretty much naturally grown apart through the years; in my mind and in my heart,

you have always been the Fadina whose name I wrote on the window sill with a yellow colour pencil,
the Fardina whom I co-created Kampung Naked Beach with,
the Dina who let me cry on her shoulder when Bear left me,
the Dina whom I bitched about people with,
the Dina who showed me the insides of her mouth while chewing on leftover potato wedges from Steph's 15th birthday party,
the Dina whom I spent hours talking bullshit with on the phone,
the Dina whom I lifted with Stephanie and Yien during Dynamitez 2005,
And the Dina who was there for me through thick and thin for the most of my living years.



So.. Dina, I'm sorry I've been such a coward.
These last few days.. I will make it up to you.

Oh, the guilt!

Mmmm I am feeling damn guilty right now.
I ditched all my homework and now I can't stop thinking of all my undone work... I mean it's not like my lecturer cares (Noel Chia keeps going: "It's your own life. You don't have to do it if you don't want to. But when exam comes... don't start wishing you did your homework when you didn't owhkaay hahahaha..." Sigh niama. =.=) anyway.

I'll just do it tonight! Along with all the other crappy homework that's gonna come today... gahh fuuuck. I should've done my homework instead of bumming around the entire afternoon yesterday. :(

I miss those days in secondary school when I could just ditch my homework without the least bit of guilt.
Whatever happened to those dayyss??
Why do I feel as if I'm gonna fail math for A-levels just cos I didn't do one set of exercises?! (Owhkay fine I'm exaggerating just a tad)

Oh, the bloody guilt is killing me. =.=



***



Dear Andrew,


I never knew you, but I will pray for you.
Good luck moving on.

You will be missed by many, and never forgotten.