I NEED SOME FUCKING CLOSURE

K I am pissed. Pissed with anxiety.

Honestly, I don't even know why I'm so anxious.
I know how much I studied (or rather lack thereof), I know how well I did the papers (or rather how badly done), I know every damned thing!

Which means I roughly know what I got. So why am I still so nervous when I know my results are going to be crap?

Isn't nervousness because of the unknown that has yet to be known?

Maybe... maybe it's because I hope, wish and pray to be proven wrong. And when the page finally loads, and I see just what I thought I would see I know that the disappointment isn't going to be any less; even though I pretty much know what Im going to get.


And now I pray. I pray for the strength to cope with disappointment once more, the strength to go forward, despite my fucking up.

I pray for peace within my soul, for sleep to be calm and easy. I pray that my parents would be strong as well, and not too disappointed with me...


Bah. Time to clean, then take a nap. I think 6am GMT meant 2pm local time.

Discrete Random Variable

asdjksfljsdkfakjsksaasdjklasdjklasdjklfuckmepls.


I can't stop sneezing my throat hurts and I feel tired but can't sleep.


And I've a strong feeling that Stats 1 is not going to be kind to me later.


aaahhhhhhh I don't like probability aaahhhhhhhh cry cry cry I want my mummy or my babykins :(:(:(:(


And is it me, or is time passing quite slowly today?

I'M GOING TO DIE

Owhkay so. I have 3 units of Econs on Friday, and C3 on Thursday.

3 UNITS OF ECONS ON FRIDAY! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKF UFOISDJFLSKJ KAHF LJS CLKSDVjdhfklsjclKLKJDSFLKJSL;klakdlkajdJ390RIOW4IJKLDJKLDSjkjldkvjds ok.


And I feel damn restless now. Feel like running and jumping and doing the chicken dance.


But I can't. I need to study for my 3 Units of Econs and C3.
There's so little time. And as every second goes by... time is running out.


OUR TIME IS RUNNINNNGG OUUTTTT OURR TIMEEE IS RRUUUNNIIINNGG OUUUTTT! (Our Time is Running Out, Muse? Ring a bell?)



BLAH IM LOOOSSSING MY MIIINNDDDD you should read the smses I'm sending to Aiman now HAHA!



Owh but yes. Have I mentioned how much I love Nasi Lemak? And how it's like a drug to me? I just can't get enough of it.
I had two nasi lemaks with two eggs yesterday before doing my accounts exam.

Ah... just thinking of it makes me hungry again. It was so good.


And I LOVE the Caesar Salad with smoked salmon at Ms. Read Cafe.






Caesar Salad with Ms. Read Cafe's special dressing, poached eggs, turkey bacon crisps, sliced cheese and toasted bread pieces. YUMMM.




We went there on my birthday last last Saturday. ^^




I OD-ed (overdosed) a little on salmon on my birthday, cos I had that caesar salad for lunch and then went to Jogoya and had plates and plates full of raw salmon.


Mmmm I want nasi lemak with oooozing telur mata!
And milo ais!



Sigh. I need to shag.

Does your husband know? Does your husband know? Does he know does he know does he know?

Accounts exam at 5pm.

I pray that my common sense and what I've read in the past 2 days will not elude me.



The last time you came through
Oh darling I know what you're going through
The last time you came through
Oh darling,
Oh darling,
Oh darling...


Does your husband know?
Does your husband know?
Does your husband know?
Does he know,
does he know,
does he know?

Don't even get me started on my ba-da-boom-boom

follow hweeching at http://twitter.com

I am using the library's computer, again.
My modem will be officially restored during the 23rd to the 30th of Nov.
More updates then.
It seems everyone has already posted up they're take on our Grad Day, (MayMay, Ying.. ) mine will be really overdue but please do check it out when I post owhkay? :D

I've already planned out 2 weeks after SPM.
Main events will be my uncle's birthday and the partying after that, DJ Prom, DJ Prom after party, and Angkor Wat the very next day. Hehehehe.

I can't wait for Jade to come home.
Euegeney will be home very very soon, the idiot already finished his Singapore O-levels.
Owh how I miss him. :(

I'm gonna miss hanging out in the library with Pn. Monica and the rest of the gang.
Just an hour ago we Lo Sang-ed hahahaha.

I hate it that I dislike my good friend's boyfriend.
Sigh.

And I know I've said this a million times already... but I'm gonna get 3A's for SPM.
If you say, "Won't one la.. you'll get at least 5 or 6."
There's no difference between 3, 4, 5 and 6A's!
:(:(:(

Even my mom says I'll only get 6.
I think 6 is the max I can get. I know myself well...
I know how much I studied.

Sigh.... What a vast difference PMR and SPM is.
and I think I'm gonna get a B3 for my 1119 cos my essay was BORING.
Not only was it boring.. but my language and grammar used was nothing special either so sigh.
It seems that I am determined to crush the last bit of my own self esteem. =.=

And did I mention I hate that I dislike my good friend's boyfriend?

Haha..

follow hweeching at http://twitter.com

I'm having Sejarah II at 2pm later.

Hahaha ha ha...


Read that purple twitter thing for more updates.

O-kay.

I've been posting up little updates, just incase you people don't know.
It's been in the sidebar for the looonggest time.

follow hweeching at http://twitter.com

I'm at a cyber cafe.
Xinhui and I have never actually been to one, so we were damn jakun ha ha.

I wanted to post up pics, so I editted them and put them into a diskette (I know la damn ice age use diskette all but what to do la I lost my pendrive. =.=

So anyway, I put in the pics I took of May's little gathering (I originally called it a party but then it sort of flopped cos the surprise was destroyed and it was gonna rain =.= I am such a failure la) and a really prettty (photoshopped ha ha) picture of myself to post up just incase y'all forgot how pretty (photoshopped) I am hehehehe
Yeah... But I can't upload any of them now, cos I didn't know Pro-Ex doesn't have diskette outlets.
The other cyber cafe I went to in Penang (?) had diskette outlets so... ha ha.
DON'T LAUGH AT ME OWHKAY.

Er the only pic I have now is the one May posted up on her blog and I look happy.
My happy = retarded





Get what I mean? Ha ha.



I have SOOO many stuff to post about; SMKDJ form 5 Majlis Perpisahan (haha yeah BU4 and DU got to wear the robes and all, BU4 even got this event in Eastin Hotel and we get a majlis perpisahan in the hall =.=), May's birthday thing, new poserphotoshopped pics I have of myself (haha) and random pictures from everywhere I've been when I shudve been studying.

Damn gay la. And there's this little kid hovering behind me whilst Im typing and it is making me quite uncomfortable ha ha.

Mmm I told my mummy about a boil on my... ahem (haha not my boobs la owhkay) and she decided I shouldn't go for NS there and then so I won't be going for NS now YAY owhkay this little boy is DAMNED annoying.

Oh oh just this morning (1.55am) May smsed me saying, "OMG Patrick is acting in a disney movie with x-men's cyclops! I wanna watch hehehe"

The first person I thought of after reading that sms was, "PATRICK SOH'S GONNA ACT IN A DISNEY MOVIE?? OMG"

And not only did I just think of it I actually kinda almost believed it heh.

But no, May was talking about Patrick Dempsey aka Derek Sheperd from Grey's Anatomy.
=.= I can be so gullible sometimes.

I think you've probably heard many form fivers say this but

I CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T CANN'T WAIT FOR FRICKING SPM TO BE OVER OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGGGGGGGGGGG KLDSGF;LKF;ZLSKF;ASLD'ALSD';LG;DLKHLKGFJHLVCJBKD;LKRGOPEIRGDKLV;DSKVK

Feels better getting that outta my system.

I think my bladder has shrunk over the last few days, I keep wanting to go pee.
OMG. Maybe I have diabetes.
Haha that would be most likely since all I've been doing is eatiNg sweets

OMFG THE KID BROUGHT HIS FRIENDS LSKF;LSKF;AL

where was I? Right.
Besides eating a hell lot of sweets I've been eating a LOT of meals.
Like, big meals.

For example, just the day before yesterday I woke up ay 9.
I ate leftover pie (which was quite a lot) at 11am.
Then at 12.30 I had two slices of buttered bread with two soft-bolied eggs.
At 3.30, I had instant Udon.
at 6, my dad and I went and had lambchops for dinner.
Then at 10, I fimished a whole tin of biscuits my mum brought back from China.

Being fat is an inevitable thing for me if I keep eating like this omg =.=

I hate the smoke smell in cyber cafes. hate hate hate hate the smoke smell.
I need to pee. :(

I'm hungry... again.

If you've read up till here, I salute you.

MAAAYYYYYY I MISSSS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Haha.

Owhkay now there're two working dudes sitting beside me and I am quite freaked out so heh till the next update and WISH ME LUCK FOR SPM OMG

K love you people byyyyyeeeeeeee!
Owh yeah, if you really love me, or you just wanna know what's going on with me (haha I know I'm damn perasan but WHATEVERRR) owhkay he's looking at my screen so freaking uncomfortable another reason why I dislike cybercafes so much.

Yes as I was saying, check out the purple box, I'll sms my short updates there.


K lovelovelovvvveeee.

God loves me!

Haha. He loves me so much he struck my modem with lightning just so I'd study these last two weeks before SPM begins.

Sigh... I'm fucking myself la serious.

I swear Im gonna get like, 3A's for SPM ha ha ha.


Won't be updating often until SPM's over, cos that's when I'll fix my modem or rather... get a new one.

Wish me luck for SPM, cos I'll be needing hell a lot of it. =.=

Your lips say that you love, but your eyes say that you hate

I SWEAR IF I DON'T START STUDYING TODAY MY FACE WILL BE THE EPITOME OF A PEPPERONI PIZZA WITH EXTRA CHEESE



Owh... no.





WATCH



And yes.
Go buy something from me pls thanks.

BUYSOMETHINGFROMHWEECHING

Will I be as lucky?

Omg. There's only 6 weeks left, 5 weeks and 6days to be exact.
Time to bloody freak out lor serioussllyyyy.

It's time to forgo everything for just 2months.
I don't want to be regretting... I HATE regrets.
Lord knows I've enough of regret to last me 2 lifetimes ha ha..


McD's buffet tonight.
I honestly don't care about getting fatter right now.

Pay attention, God-frickin-damnit!

I think Sejarah would be so much easier to study if it were in English.
Sigh. I can't seem to just read, and not have my mind wander off elsewhere.

I feel so guilty. I know I did shit in my trials and yet I'm going out tomorrow.
I feel as if I should be punished. Haha... I guess I would, when my results come back. GG la.

My countdown timer says that there's only 74 days to SPM.
That's... not many days left.
I just don't understand myself. I fret about it almost every hour but yet am doing nothing about it.
Except whine... and whine some more.


Hehehehe omg going out tomorrow and fireworks! I LOVE fireworks!
Yeah, it's only dinner at the Curve but heck, due to my absurd 10.30pm curfew and the fact that tomorrow's Merdeka eve, Curve is pretty much my best and only choice of venue.


... OMG YOU SEE! THAT'S HOW BLOODY SHORT MY ATTENTION SPAN IS!
I was fretting about bloody SPM for like a moment and then I'm thinking of going out and having a good time the very next moment I am hopeless la HOPELESS.

Yeah I know my sentence was arranged incorrectly but sigh... Sej test tomorrow.
I know it's only paper I, but still. I'm the kind of person who gets 18/40 for Sejarah paper I's.

Gosh selltrade KL is making me broke. There's this new store at The Curve I don't know what's it called but the clothes are pretty nice...


A;LKDLSKJFLKAJDALJK SPM LA MAAAHHHAAAIII.

Syntax Error

I kept getting that yesterday.
So bloody stressful la omfg. Paper I is today.
I feel like the dead.
Well I've no one but myself to blame for that, I stayed up mostly for Jay Chou...

His compositions are too divine for words.
I swear... he's a GOD.

I couldn't wait and downloaded the Secret OST album first.
It'll only be released here next week or something, according to Caryn.
Omfg I'm so gonna get itttttttt I don't know where I'm going to find RM160 but I WILL GET IT!

My eyes can't open. I'm looking at the screen by peeking through my slitted lids.
Omg la addmathssss adddmathhhsssss ssiiiggghhh.....
I just.... cannot.

Yeah my internet got fixed.
I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing really ha ha ha ha...


Fuck la should have slept earlier yesterday =.=

After all that we've been through, I know we're cool.

Yeah I know I blog everyday and I have no life haha shut up.

I know you people (even I) are so bored (and annoyed, even I am) from reading this line:
I should really, REALLY go study during my free time instead of finding some thing to eat or do just for some temporary satisfaction.

For example, watching two movies (one has Jay Chou in it and one I had planned to watch a month ago but never got to it until yesterday) just so it's an excuse to not stay home and study.

Omfg I am so full of shit and excuses. And fat.


Wai Hong, Vincent and I were supposed to go catch Jay Chou's Secret and The Simpson's yesterday;
but in the end Wai Hong ffk-ed (he literally did, as in cancel at the very last frickin minute!).
I HATE it when someone does that to me.
I mean, at least I canceled on him the night before, which isn't as bad as canceling an hour before meeting time!

Vincent and I are still emo-ing at you owhkay. >=P


So yeah, it was just Vincent and I.
He came over to my place first for some lunch (we are both very broke) and I fed him some (good)leftovers from the night before's big dinner.
Haha sorry la bestfriend. :) I promise you there will be better food next time hahahaha.







We watched Secret first, cos I couldn't tahan anymore haha.
Omfg Jay was so cute in this movie!
He kept doing this lopsided smile after saying one of his witty lines:





JUST LIKE THIS!


Owhkay la not so sexy-ly but in more of a cute way. *orgasmorgasmorgsm* **faints**

Vincent said I said the words "Omg so cute" about 17 times during the entire movie.
Haha sorry sorry. I can't help it la!

K lala mode off.
Sometimes I'm so lala I think should've been born in Sungei Wang or Japan's Harajuku street.

I think Xiao Yu (Kwai Lun Mei) wasn't very pretty in the beginning, but the more I looked at her the more attractive I found her.
She had like a sweet, girlish quality about her.
Vincent found Qing Yi (Alice Tzeng) prettier.


After our first movie, we went to TGIF for chocolate fudge brownnies.
Phoebe (Machi) and her mum were in tesco so she came to join us for a bit.





The Lala and The Phoebe hahahaha




Now you see it...




And now you don't!



The three of us walloped it in less than 5 minutes.
I'd say it was very worth it, only RM4 each and I felt so satisfied!


We watched The Simpson's next.
It was good, just like The Simpson's on Starworld every weekday at 6pm.
Just an extended version. And also that I had to pay RM6 to watch it haha.

Headed to 1901 for some food after that, sat there and chit chatted until my mummy came to pick me up.

Haha before I left Vincent said to me:

"Don't worry I won't get raped, cos you can't rape the willing."

LOLOLOLOLOL.





Gaaayyyyyy :D



I had fun la yesterday bestfriend.
The nest time we do this, WAI HONG IS SO SPENDING US!



***


Owh yeah, I forgot to post this up the time I did my post on going swimming with Phoebe, The Rock, and Uncle Vincent(Fong).





HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA



***



I just got another sign.






Ha ha.

WHHEEENN YOU'RREE GOOONNNEEEE...

When I finish secondary school, I won't say that I miss school.
Because I don't miss school, I just miss doing the stupid things with the stupid people in my class, such as belting out Avril Lavigne's When You're Gone super loud and of course very off key.

We don't like the song, don't even know why we sing it haha.


***


Exam stress and excessive hormones due to my uterus collapsing has resurrected the half dried up pimple at the corner of my mouth.
It's now a full fledged fucking volcano, ready to spew it's molten pus =.=
It reared its ugly head this morning.

I tried to stop it's resurrection by using all kinds of pimple gels and what not,
but all I managed to do was dry up the skin around the pimple; leaving no damage to the bloody volcano whatsoever.

Omg la I don't care I'll squeeze it tomorrow morning :(


HEEEEE SWIMMING TOMORROW!

Hell am I glad for the brief reprieve from gay trials.
Too bad I ain't got any money left to even watch a movie. =.=
I still haven't seen The Simpson's laaaaaa.
Someone take pity on this broke, fat, pimply, broke, fat, fat, fat, fat girl and take her go watch The Simpson's please please please.

I'm such a sad person la.



Mmmm hungry better go sleep now before I go eat HI JIA WEN haha byeeeeeeeee.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Edit.
12.33am



HAH. 17 DOWN, 19 MORE TO GO.


;LAK;LAK;FLKDSFJSKLJA;SKF;'sd'as gg la.


Omgomghungrycannotfail:(



***



I am feeling so angry.
My head is aching like a bloody bitch la omg.
And I've got 36, no 35 nilais to memorize for Moral.
I can only remember the first one.
Kepercayaan kepada Tuhan ha ha ha.

Yes la there's only 36 nilais to memorize and I can't even do that and even if I could I can't apply them properly cos I'm STUPID thanks Aiman.

I hate you laaaaaaa. You think you very smart ar stupid anorexic curly haired boy :(:(:(

OWHKAY CANNOT FAIL MORAL AGAIN!

So come back, I won't won't leave you again

So I survived today.
Yes.. just today. I just need to survive tomorrow, and the rest of the season should be bearable.

I practically made up my own story for Sejarah II, just now.
Haha like Xinhui said, I think we both can be novelists.

I hate Forever XXI cos they don't ship to fricking Malaysia and most of the clothes in their store in 1U is not as nice as the ones on their website.

ARGH. Sigh, life is so unjust.


I'm such a sell out.

All this while I've been preaching abt how BM is a waste of time and how hypocritical they are telling us not to speak "bahasa rojak" when frickin BM itself IS bahasa rojak!
A lot of the words used in the language have been taken from English and Arab just that they're "dimelayukan" as Pn. Norita said when I asked her why there were English words being used in BM.

Gah pisses me off even to think about it.

All this while I've never studied or read anything for BM exams (except during PMR. even so I did it the day before) because I think it's a big waste of time and I couldn't care less.
I know, I'm really unpatriotic blah whatever.

So anyway, I was saying that I am such a sell out because...
I am going to study BM right now.
Sastera, to be exact.
I am quite desperate for that A1... even it is BM and a complete waste of time in my eyes.

I hate being a sell out, but I've no other choice.
Sigh, the things I do for my bloody SPM. =.=


Can't wait to move to another country.

Zoooommmbiiieeeeeee

I feel half dead.
I'm not even gonna bother wearing my contacts.

I'm gonna fail all of my subjects ha ha ha....


I wanna go back to sleep.

And so it begins.

Hell week begins tomorrow.

And I feel like sleeping.


No more eating, I've to get rid of this tummy.

I'll never let you find me.

Edit.
at 7.44pm



Haha GG la.









Heeee M16.
But I hate bugs la, my skin very sensitive. Haha I sound so bimbo.
I'm not scared of them (just cockroaches la), but I hate it when they bite me. :(
The last time I went for a camp like this, LLC '06, I got bitten by a bunch of bugs and the bites secreted some watery fluid and stuff haha ew.
I hope I get to go to Sabah or something.
FUN LA, spend my birthday waking up fucking early just to go for NS.

And I wanna work! I need money to buy an external hard drive (80gb is just not enough la weiy) and shopping la of course.
But I heard they give you an allowance right?
But a very meager one I expect.

Although I'm quite looking forward to it and all... It doesn't feel like something I should be congratulated on.
So as Shuwen once said and I quote, "TAHNIAH??? FUCK YOU LAA"



***



Edit.
at 2.41pm



One paper down, 294034958034 to go.

I feel like McD's and there's nothing to eat in the house anyway, so I called.

My total bill, RM19+ =.=
RM3 for delivery! Petrol expensive is it?
So much one. :( I am so broke. Must claim from mummy haha.

Hmmm... Guess I'll eat Cheesey dips on Tuesday.
Or maybe I won't cos I died.
Never under estimate the wrath of Accounts and Sejarah when you don't study.

Will be blogging a lot these next two weeks.
Stress reliever.



***



I feel like the dead.

HATE not being able to sleep at night and then waking up feeling like and looking like a frickin zombie.


If I didn't have an exam today I'd just bail school...








DAMNed good song.

But now I see through your eyes; all that you did, was love.

Edit.
At 7pm



Desperate times, call for desperate measures.
I have to turn off my computer when I'm studying.

I know, I know.
You're probably going, "I do that all the time.." or "You don't? No wonder la...."

Yes. I get distracted easily and have to take desperate measures.

I have very little self restraint. But this will end tonight!
I will, form now on, switch off my computer completely whenever I'm studying so I won't turn my monitor back on to check on my downloads or look for more clothes or blog (like now) and in turn from all that activity start chatting on MSN anymore!

No more of this crap. No more.



I can be saved. I will be saved.



***



Trials start tomorrow....
and I feel like eating fried chicken.
Why don't I feel stressed?
I NEED to feel stressed!

But instead of feeling stressed and studying, I do online shopping and spend money on Japanese food while laughing and doing shit with friends.


I'm starting to think that I can't be saved...
In cantonese, 'mo tak kao'.






Our driver, The Rock (haha)




Shafiq the cute fat boy




Mag the fish




May "I'm so cute" Yi




Tempura Udon




Chicken and Oyster platter




Don't remember what it's called, but it's fish.




Age Oshi
Deep fried tofu with udon type of sauce
F**KING GOOD OMG.




Err... don't remember what it's called.
Very worth RM20, a variety of raw fish and hot soba.




Sushi Alaska
YUUUUMMMMYYYYYYYY













We went to Shafiq's for icecream before going to Terry's after that haha.
We wanted to go into his room, and I've never seen a cute fat boy run so fast in my life HAHAHA
He's so cute la.


Omg hungry bye