"A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave". Mohandas Gandhi

Been MIA for quite a bit 'cause I got mocks coming up this week, and also 'cause I've been trying very hard to budget and that means going out less; when I go out I spend money, like yesterday.
Went to 1U with Slimy to catch a movie and visit the Zara sale to see if my shoes were marked-down low enough (ha ha) and we had lunch at Chili's.
It was more of lunch+dinner 'cause we ate RM89.45 worth and was so bloody full that even at 11 something last night I still felt full haha. But it felt damn good. Ahhh fajita nachoss... AAAHHH BEEF BACON BURGER! Orgasmorgasm


My left eye seems to be swollen. :(
May and Slimy got it at the same time a bout a week ago and now it's MY TURN??
Ahh dowaaannn.... My hair can't even cover it cos it's on the left eye. =.=


K so I've spent half my allowance in the first week of the month. It's no wonder I'm always broke by the end of the second half of the week. =.=
OWHKAY THIS IS IT. I am gonna make the other half of my allowance last me til July 23rd, and when that day comes, I'll still have a balance!

I'd so get a job if I had more time on my hands. Like a part time one. I wouldn't mind if it was only RM600 a month, at least then I've have a little more money to spend and some to save for future shopping sprees/handphones/university applications/slimming sessions (haha right) yeah.


I want a pair of bling slippers but Slimy says bling slippers are ugly hahahaha.

K eating time.

Talk about serious inexistence of willpower.

I've been thinking about saving my money all this month. No more will I be broke by the second week of the month, no more unnecessary expenditures, no more random eating (I spend SO much money on food) and I WILL have a balance by the end of the month!
I don't care if it's RM0.20, but there must be a balance.

And I just ordered a pretty top from one of the local online shopping websites. =.=


Agh! There goes RM42! JUST LIKE THAT!
(heeee new top YAY!)

I've calculated that I can only afford to spend RM10 a day, and even if I follow that I won't have a balance by the end of the month.

But I've been tracking my expenditure the past three days and I spend almost RM20 each day. HOW TO SURVIVE LAH LIKE THAT?

It's no wonder, really, that I'm almost always broke, not to mention my atm is ALSO empty (fuuzzzz) and everytime I put money back into it, it just comes back out a few days later.

I need some way to keep my money from going out. I need to hate spending money.

Actually I do hate spending money it's just that my like/want for those other things (clothes, SHOES, food) exceeds my hate for spending money and thus, I spend money to satisfy my kehendak yang tidak terhad.

I thought I'd been holding up pretty well with the whole no unnecessary spending and FUCK GTG BYE



x


5.oopm.



I was typing the post using the library computer while playing fb poker, and I didn't register before using cos it requires you to fill in for what usage am I using the computer for and I can't exactly put "blogging, facebook poker and online shopping" now can I?

So when the old uncle librarian came to ask me to register I told him I was gna go already and ran off ha ha.


I've calculated that my expenses in only 3 days have totaled up to RM76.30.
After subtracting all the unnecessary expenses I should have only spent RM26.70.
Sigh... I really need to control. K so I've already bought one top this month, so no more.

No more spending on clothes or shoes or accessories or anything besides cab fare and food and even money spent on food must be rationed!



Mmm. All this money business is making me hungry. Hehe.

I'm worth all the crap I put you through

Mahai I rotted at home the entire day.

Got up at 10 supposed to go to Curve with Leysh and Derrick to get Esther's birthday present ended up Derrick already got it himself so I got up so early for shits.

And then I couldn't go back to sleep.

Ish. So stone. Watch tv. Play my stupid hidden objects game (which is damn addictive I tell you). Watch Malcolm in The Middle. Sms Slimy. Tried to finish up Time Traveller's Wife (It's supposed to be very good but I don't know why I'm just not that into it). Fell asleep.

And that was my whole morning+afternoon. Now I'm trying to finish 16 mech questions on pulleys.

And now MSN's bloody pissing the shit outta me stupid messages cannot be delivered ARGH;LKAS;LSAKF;



Yay allowance.

It's just a lovely thing that we have... It's just a lovely thing, the animal instinct.

Just got back from Bukit Kiara with Moomiekins.

As I was walking up the hill, I was visualizing in my head: Inclined plane of about 35 degrees, velocity of 20m/s, weight = 65kg, pull of gravity = 65 x 9.8, find acceleration...

Mahai. Mechanics getting to me. =.=


I had a good work out though. Moomiekins and I walked two rounds.


K fine, I lied. We only walked one round.

I didn't wanna say at first cos sound damn loser :(


Another good work out is shopping in Telawi. Hehe.






MayMay




Steph and I :)




Sticky Date pudding!




BOOOOBBIIIEEEESSS




Look at that sesat person behind.




We bumped into Dina and Ashlie in the middle of their "Dina and Ash's Weekday of Awesomeness" at Mooie. :)




Love love




During the peak hour jam.
We were in the middle of two lanes hahaha




What do you do when traffic isn't moving?
TAKE PICTURES! haha.



x


Been listening to some serious old school shit.





The Cranberries - Linger (1993)

This was their first big hit, the lead singer wrote the lyrics.




The Cranberries - Animal Instinct (1999)

I think the idea of this video really depicts the animal instinct.
Very touching, too.




I'm having mocks next week. Fuck.

Greed... tsk tsk.

I baked cupcakes with Serena after college today.
They are the nastiest tasting things, EVER. I never thought I could make something that tasted that bad.

Came home, bathed and Aiman came to pick me up. We went to get our hair cut.
My bangs are shorter now, and the ends of my hair are trimmed off. I am content.

We go to 1U to watch The Happening.

Went to chittychat with Baby and her BOYYYYFFFRRRIIIEEENNNDDD before the movie.

I hate movies like The Happening. People dying all.
*loud music* and I see dead people hanging off trees. Fucker, I wanted to cry owhkay.

And Mark Wahlberg's acting was just... wtf.
"Noooo we're noott" (Or something like that lah) WTFUZZ (Dina's got me saying it)?


I need to watch Shooter again to regain my previous (sexual)image of him in my fantasies.
"You don't get it (reloads his sniper), these boys killed my dog."

WAAAHHHH SEXY OMG.

Fuck, my hard drive crashed. No Shooter. AAAAHHHHHHH.


Went window shopping after that.

I want two pairs of shoes from Zara. A pair of green velvet stilettos and a pair of white sling back wedges. Sigh. I is sad.

After a few more of my favorite places, we went to get dinner at Damansara Uptown.

Had two Ramly's each. I suggested the second round. I'm making Aiman fat and myself fatter.

It's already been abt 2 and a half hours since I ate the two Ramly's. I still feel full. I should wait till the food has went down properly.

But I'm so fucking sleepy.





Agh. I'm going to sleep. Good night.

Always remember that you can never change a person... they have to want to change themselves.

Agh. Today I did something I swore I would never do; and that is attempt to change a person.

I've always had this little rule where if I can't accept him smoking, then I won't want anything to do with him besides being friends.

Yes, the smoking really bothers me.

And today I unconsciously tried to make him stop.
Obviously my efforts, albeit unintended, were thrown right back in my face and I was asked to "grow up".

Well yeah. I guess that's what I get for involving myself with someone who has habits I obviously can't stand. Those habits being mood swings, sniffing and of course, smoking.

Sigh, why don't I ever learn. Seriously.



Went to Coco Banana with May Ee and Dina on Friday the 13th.
Just as I mentioned that it was Friday the 13th while walking to the club a black cat appeared out of the shadows and Dina said "Don't cross my path don't cross my-" and it ran right across our paths.

Haha luckily nothing really bad happened besides this weird fella following us around and I got burnt by a cigarette butt. =.=








Next morning I skipped Terry's to go to the US Education Fair.

When I stepped inside the MCA building I just felt so... lost. Haha, yes. Lost.
I saw Alison, a UWC USA scholar whom I met last year... and I felt even more scared.

But worst of all, incompetent.

In the first hour I was so lost I didn't even know what to look for. I didn't even know what I wanted to do anymore.

I wanna have a big, on-going career by the time I'm 30, a career that I like; and I've never actually seen myself having less than that.
Not until that day, when I suddenly realized how lost I was.

And then I thought to myself, at the rate that I'm going now, when I'm 55 I'd probably have 5 kids and a useless husband who can't do nothing else but love me and we'd have a combined income of RM7k a month (This is probably the 9043850934853rd time Jebat has probably heard me saying this haha).

The following thought was: Will I be happy with that? CAN I be happy with that?

At this time... I think I could. But I don't think I could as well.


Well, could you?





Sin Seanne, Retardina (haha quite cool right!), Jane and Wei Ping




Jebat and I
Thanks for listening to my shit the entire time we were there haha




Dina and I




You've probably read the previous previous post on our sort of failed attempt to take public transport home haha.
We waited a whole freaking hour for a bus that never came. =.=
As we were walking across the jejantas to get to where the Ikano bus would stop, we saw it already there.
So Dina said "Ching if we get on that bus we'll get into Swarthmore!" and so we ran with all our hearts.

Not even halfway, the bus left.


So we stood there, and then sat down on the pavement.
Waited, waited, waited.

Then took pictures.





:)



Finally we took the bus that headed back to 1U, and walked to Ikano from there.
Had good conversation at Dome Cafe, with really expensive Caesar Salad and really expensive drinks. Haha.





The Caesar Salad at Ms Read is WAY better



Then we walked back to my house and Dina took an hour to type the post you see below there WHICH SHE ALMOST DELETED luckily I clicked the undo button.







Come to think of it, this is one of the last few DinaChing times.
After so many years... our time is coming to an end.

You always hear people talking about how everything will end one day, and you go "yeah yeah yeah" and yet when it finally happens, you are still caught unaware.



Agh. Calculus.

But I'm in too deep, you know I'm such a fool for you... you've got me wrapped around your finger.

I woke up at 7.30am to do my calculus homework. And now I've like an hour to kill because I discovered that I can't go half the questions.

I. HAVE. to. stop. skipping. Coremath classes.


I skipped last Thursday sort of unintentionally.
Leysh and I went to Bangsar to kill time and ended up getting a manicure (for her) and a pedicure (for me).

I digress for a moment;
I'm damn stupid, I'm bloody broke right now but I went and splurged on a RM35 pedicure nonetheless WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?


So anyway, by the time we were done with our nails we were already 15mins late for class.
So we thought screw it lah no need go for class. Then we went to get our eyebrows threaded.

Sigh... no more of this, no more.


Yeah so last week Dina and I (plus Sin Seanne, Jebat, Jane, Wei Ping and Zean) went for the US Edu Fair.
The night before Dina, MayMay and I went to Coco Banana for some fun time. Turned out to be not so fun. Hahaha. Got this random fella following us wherever we went lucky never follow us to carpark. Scary dog.
And damn a lot Ah Peks (really Cina old men; imagine your dad going clubbing at a young adult hotspot, YES. I KNOW) there man. No, I'm not judging them, just... k fine, I am judging them, just a little.

I felt so lost at the Edu Fair. So lost that I didn't even know what to ask.
But after talking to a few people.. Quan Yuan's mom included (she's so nice I damn like her) I sorta had an idea of what I think I wanna do.

I had to start searching from scratch this year, cos last year all the Unis and Colleges I dug up on were mainly for Economics and the like... and just this year I've discovered that perhaps I'm just not cut out for Economics. With my non-analytical mind and all (YES, IT IS BUGGING ME) although I know I shouldn't take all these dumb personality tests to heart, but I did like what? 5 tests and they all told me the same thing: that my mind is just not inclined to this area.

So anyway. I have one uni and one college in mind right now: Swarthmore and Columbia.
I am aiming too high. I know it. No need to point it out. I KNOW.

Disappointment is probably imminent... but I'm going to give this a shot.



I started practicing driving with Daddy yesterday, and I am damn scared on the roads.
I am a terrible driver, I tell you. If anyone thinks Stephanie is a scared driver, wait til you sit in my car with me behind the wheel. Then you'll know who is a REALLY scared driver.

But for the sake of mobility I will get over this phase. I NEED TO. Can't stand not being able to move around.

The thought just hit me. My dad's been there for me all this while. The whole time I've been growing up.

He taught me to ride a bike on 4 wheels when I was 4yrsold, then rushed to my old primary school to take me to the dentist after I'd broken my tooth playing catching, gave me some bad memories to live with (hey, which father doesn't give you even a little of those?), came to my rescue when I did something stupid (I'm not ready to talk about it publicly, yet), and now he's teaching me to drive.

So yeah... now I know why I put up with him, all because he's my father.

And he's been there, is here, for me.


Speaking of my dad, I'd better go get ready for college now before he starts getting annoying. =.=



***








Owh Britney... I'VE MISSED YOU.

Pull it together baby giiirrrrrl.

"GUESS WHO"

Hello friend(s) of Lim Hwee Ching!

I'm D_ _ A :)

I've been friends with this Miss-I'm-Wearing-Bra-Cup-D(ina) since we were 9 years old (she was a cup A then)
And at that time she already had her period!

I'm currently hijacking her computer and her blog, coz you see I kinda downloaded something from the internet and it screwed up my computer and all my pictures from high school were gone.

With the fact, I'm leaving soon for the States (whoopdeedoo) I need NEED to steal all her photos.
Coz if you're a regular, you know Ching is a

bloody

camwhore.

Trust me, I found this folder of hers, which is titled "Myself"
and boy, that is pretty scary.

Okay back to US Edu Fair.
You see Ching and I have always dreamed of going to the States to pursue our studies.
We even got an eye for the same liberal arts college... ok laugh all you want, I KNOW ITS HARD BUT

yeah we dream of going to Swarthmore College.

OK its partially because, OK FINE its ALL because the girl who manned the booth was so nice.
heeheeheehee

So yea we were talking on the way back on the bridge crossing over to the bus stop at KelanaJaya station about HOW HARD IS IT TO GET into an ivy or any top liberal arts college eg like Swarthmore/Tufts or whatnot.

Ok lah many of us were disheartened as we came back,
especially ADP people, (seriously kids, if you want to get into a good US uni, DON'T DO ADP!)
those ADP people learned it the hard way today :( :( :( :(

While crossing the bridge and yepping away, we saw the IKANO bus waiting. Ok thats our bus coz Ching lives near there and the next bus is like an hour away so we ran for our lives.

Ok it was a pretty far distance to cover as the bus was about to leave,
so I told Ching while we were running across the bridge that
this situation that we are in now, is exactly like an ivy/college admission,
this shows 'the chances' of getting in,
(and the situation was us running for the bus),

I shouted,
"CHING, IF WE GET ON THE BUS, WE ARE AS GOOD AS GETTING IN SWARTHMORE! HAVE FAITH!"

So yeah we let out an excited shriek and ran.

Not even halfway, the bus left.

So you see kids,

that shows how fucking hard it is to get into an ivy/a top liberal arts coll.

Ok that probably didn't make any sense.

Ok Ching, now I know why I can't get into Swarthmore.

Im stupid.

Ok now lets talk Brad Pitt.

Blog owner disclaimer: I did not get my period when I was nine, and I only started wearing a proper bra when I was 11. WTF 9 YRS OLD?

I is bored. I is very, bored.

Omg I'm going out of my mind. I am so fucking bored.


Coco Banana tonight.

And you'll realise that you love me

Omg I have totally no mood to go to college. Coremath replacement class at 2pm today. ==
I was so looking forward to coming home at 12.

mmmm dowaaannnaaa go to collleeeegggeeeeee :(:(:(




...I think he knows.

Pulling and pushing

It's these little things that get me confused.

It's these little things that make me think.

It's these little things that give me hope.


It's these little things that keep me holding on.

Reconstruction

I am in the midst of changing my blog layout.
It was getting boring, yes?

So this is temp.


But first, I shall sleep.

In the middle of nowhere

I feel so drained; both in body and mind.

I actually don't feel like going anywhere tonight.
I actually don't feel like eating anything (something that rarely occurs).
I actually don't feel like coming out of my room at all tonight.

Amd I actually don't feel like blogging.

I'm on druuggssss...

I now know why drug addicts become drug addicts.
After imbibing the drug a sense of calmness and serenity fills you and you feel light as air....

In my case, my nose unblocked and I felt so peacefully sleepy and able to breath normally again.

I took Clarinase, I'm having a flu.

Hell no I'm not taking any recreational drugs and neither am I hooked on prescription drugs.

But I'm just saying that I now know why and how these drug addicts become the way the do.


Ahh I'm hungry. I want fried chicken. Agh but what's the difference I can't taste anything I'm eating anyway.






Leyshani, I and Ashvin at Loft/Reena's Birthday at Rupee's last weekend




I've only one class today, my coremaths class got canceled, again.
And I'm already broke, AGAIN! Summore this month I got a little extra allowance.
Where the fuck does all my money go la?

Owh right... food, food, food, birthday presents, food, food, food, owh yeah I bought slippers, two tops and a pair of shoes, food, food, lip balm from body shop, 10bucks in the bank, food and more food... ah yeah. Owh and cab fares also ish.

But you know, for now I think I'll just take a cab.
Ha ha. Slimy knows why. Ha ha.


Omg I have like RM33 to last me till 23RD JUNE???
I need some SERIOUS financial planning man.






Leysh and I outside Rupees

This girl is the kindest, most helpful friend EVER. She's gotten me out of trouble (small ones la) SO many times I owe you so many giirrrlll.



I sent an sms to Baby yesterday telling her I want a breakup, cos she hasn't been layaning me the past few days.

She as usual replies assuring me that she'll pay more attention to me from now on and so I'm going to her place to lepak on Sunday yayyyyy I mish mish MISH my Baby k I know damn lesbian but whatever owhkay.






Our happiest time in 1U




Time to get ready for college! I is hungry.

Stress?

Had a little get together dinner at Little Penang Cafe in The Curve with Dina and Aunty Farah, Xin and her mum, and Steph.
Dinner talk was mostly on scholarships and uni applications and other stuff relating to that.

I started freaking out just a little. I thought I had it all figured out already.

And just a few hours ago Xin smsed to ask if I was going to the US education fair (which I am btw) and whether we should take the SATs together.
She also said that we should take it NEXT MONTH cos uni applications start around Oct-Nov and I was like WTF SO FAST I was only planning on applying like next year after I'm done with A levels and then she says something about that it's better if I get a conditional offer now and get started on all the preparations like testimonials and essays and OMG MY MIND IS REELING??


K. I need to regroup here. Well, least I found out about it now, right? I can work towards this.
I can. Yes.. I can.


*fuh* owhkay. Pictures.

























I'm taking my driving test tomorrow.
... finally.
No more people laughing at me just cos my birthday's on January the 3rd and I haven't got my license when Jane who's born a whole year later than I already got hers and is cruising around in the new Saga her parents got her whilst I'm still going around asking people for rides to places and constantly having to plan how to get home it's always errr can you send me home or I kinda need a ride home or OMG PLS PLS TAKE ME HOOMMEEE :(:(:( or dad can you come pick me up pls (and then get a long lecture on the way back) but once I'm done with this test there will be no more of that crap how am I getting there and going home? I'M DRIVING.


The day has come. Yes, the day has FINALLY come.