Acceptance.

Jade will be flying tonight.
The next time I see her again would be in Dec, when all is over.
The debates, the countless exams, SPM...
Its gonna one helluva long year.
I sure hope I survive.

Many times I've asked myself, who am I to scrutinize and judge others and their weaknesses when I have aplenty of them myself?
In fact, I've much more than many other people.
But yet I give out judgemental comments and and tell them what they should do as if I have none at all.
And afterthat the question of what right do I have always follows.
I have, in fact, no right whatsoever.
And then more questions start appearing;
What happened to the girl who once was so strong? What happened to the girl who could describe the way she felt with the words she wanted? What happened to the girl who used to be able to fix everything she started and spoiled? What happened to the girl who had many caring about her? Why is she like that now? What has changed? What is happening to me?


I don't have any answers to any of those questions.

And to whom it may concern,
I know my self esteem is currently non-existent, but I don't need that pointed out owhkay?
I know. I know it myself, and I'm dealing with it.
Unless you have any good advice, please don't do it again.
It hurts me alot, owhkay? Not annoyingly a lot, but painfully a lot.

I don't know.

Edit.
at 9:02pm




She was woken from a deep sleep by a pounding at the door.

"Girl, get up! We're leaving now."

Groggily she looked around, her right hand reached for the silver antique clock on her bedside table. The time showed 5pm.

"Its still so early.." she muttered to herself.

She lay back down for a few minutes, waiting for the grogginess to fade.
Getting up a short while later, she heded to the bathroom to take a shower.

"Hurry up! I'm waiting!"

She heard her father bellow from downstairs, and she hurried.
2 minutes later he bellowed again.
She was getting very annoyed.

She stomped down the stairs and into the car.

"Are you angry at me?" her father asked impatiently.
"No, I'm not." answered she with cool indifference.
"Get out of the car."

She didn't budge.

"GET OUT OF THE CAR!"

She still didn't budge.
He got into the car and put the gear into reverse.

"There can only be one tiger on the mountain. And that is ME. No matter what you say, I am STILL the man of this family. Your mother is saving up to send you overseas in the near future, I say if you're going to keep this attitude you won't be able to survive there." he lectured

She kept quiet.
Her heart felt too heavy, her mind was reeling, her head was pounding.

"I am not your slave. I have to work, too, you know? And after work I have to come back and drive you to your tuitions. I have enough to handle in one day." he continued

"I didn't ask you to send me. Mum did." She retorted in return.

"YOU KEEP ANSWERING BACK! F*** YOU, YOU THINK YOU'RE SO BIG? YOU ARE STILL MY DAUGHTER AND I AM YOUR FATHER I DESERVE A LITTLE RESPECT!"

She didn't say a word.

"I had a bad day today. Had to attend a fierce meeting and ended up arguing with everyone. I am not in a good mood so don't show me your sour face."

She felt everything from earlier on in the day bubble up to the surface.
All those strong emotions; dissapointment, self-directed anger and uncried tears just blew up in her face.
She began sobbing hard and tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, owhkay? I got carried away. I'm having a bad day, too, you know?? Think about me for once.." She said in between choked sobs.

"Fine, at least you apologize. I'll accept that. Whats wrong now?" he allowed

"I'm never good enough for anyone or anything. I never get what I want, never. Good things don't seem to ever happen to me. I really wanted it.." she continued, still choking on her sobs

"You know this is what life is. Shit happens all the time." he said in his usual rough voice.

And for once, they agreed.

"I'm sorry, dad, owhkay?"



When inside, one of her good friends remarked,

"You look pretty when you cry. And I haven't seen you cry in awhile, so that means you haven't looked pretty in awhile. HAHAHA."

And she laughed through her tears.



p/s: My mom has finally agreed to let me get my driver's license. THANK YOU, LORD. And mom. :)




***




I hate saying that phrase.
I don't know.

But I seem to be saying it very often lately.
When I speak with friends or teachers, when I monologue to myself.
I don't know.

The reason why I hate that phrase so much is because I hate not knowing things.
I hate being asked a question I cannot answer.
I hate blowing things up, cos I know that when I ask myself what happened, the answer will be obvious:
I don't know.


And the real reason why I hate that phrase so much?
Is because in actual fact, I know that I know.








I just don't want to admitt it to myself.

I swear to GOD I did not ask for this.

Luck has SO not been on my side lately.
I seem to be screwing EVERYTHING up.
Yeah I know some of you are probably saying "When has she never screwed anything up? Heh."

Haha sometimes I ask that to myself.
When the hell have I not screwed up?
I can count all those times with just my right hand. =.=

How do people learn responsibility?
If there was a subject in school on this I'd so take it.
I need to learn reponsibility.
I need to learn how to take care of myself. Like really, take care of myself.

Damn I hate it when I'm looking for something and can't find it no matter how hard I look.
I just wish it were at the place I thought it to be.
I just wish I was a little more responsible. That way I wouldn't even be looking for the damned things.

Life's a bitch. One hell of a big-assed bitch.

Everybody's lookin' at me. But thats alright I like attention.

I was so bored last last night I decided to take pictures of myself.
I had to edit them like crazy cos I've a fat face and my skin colour looked hell weird in most of the pictures I took that night.

Mmmm I suddenly forgot what I wanted to blog about.
Im getting old la. I always have something to say to someone but when I turn to the person, I totally forget what I had intended to say!
And now its happening again.
Just that this time its while I'm typing. =.=
So I'll just randomly say whatever's on my mind..

Jade and I are going to the Curve today. Shopping weee!
Not really la, cos of the money factor, but whatever la.

I'm starting to fear even more that the skeletons in my closet are going to pop out anytime and devour me anytime soon now..

I like Paris Hilton's songs.

I need to slim down.

I'm hungry.





K. since I can't remember what I was gonna blog about,
I'm just gonna end this one with two songs by Paris Hilton haha.

There're no official videos made for this song, some people (who I think are very free) just decided to put together pictures and the song together to make one.
So yea. Just listen to the song.

And I have no idea why the creator of the video put together Sophia Bush's pictures with Paris Hilton's very slutty (but nice) song.




Paris Hilton - Turn It Up




Paris Hilton - Turn You On

why do you show her love, but there's none for me?

I was so tired last night, I told myself to fuck the homework and just go to bed.
And thats precisely what I did.
But when I woke up this morning.. only did I notice how much there really was.


Hahahahahahahaha fantastic laaaaaaaaa. =.=



I don't even know why I'm posting this.
I'm lonely.
I wanna go swimming.


Heh.

I am a PMS-ing bitch

Editted.
At 4:11pm



Had debate team selections just now.
And as I had suspected.. I didn't get Taylor's.
I am dissapointed.
I guess I'm just not up to their standards.. but well,
at least I got picked for the KDU debate.
Like thay always say; if you can't have the best, then second best will just have to do.
I don't like settling for second bests' (who the hell does?), but I'll take what I get.


Last year, after I'd told this person that I had lost in the second round of the Help debate,
she said to me, "You're good, really! You just need a second chance to prove yourself."

I just nodded and thought maybe yeah.. I just need another chance.

But now that I think about it, there is nothing of myself to prove.
Whyever did I think that I had a chance.. owh wait, I did.
I had a chance, I tried and I failed.

Who was I kidding?









Myself. Thats for sure.





xxx






May Yi says, "Yes, you are."


Heh.
Couldn't get into blogger this morning, thus pissing me off.
Came to school feeling like killing someone.
I did almost murder Su Han (this bird-like looking fella in my class HAHA) a few times.

Omg la, Machi is bending over me talking on the phone with Trina and it looks like she's giving me cunnilingus from afar and I'm having my monthly dues now (hence the title of this post) hahahhahaa.


Ew...




Btw, we're in the school's library. Yes, the school's library has WiFi.
But the connection is damn shitty. To load my blogger dashboard took me about 10 minutes of waiting.
Damn chat long lor. =.=

Couldn't log into blogger to blog this morning when I woke up feeling angry at the world and thus making me late for school cos I was so unsatisfied about not being able to get into my dashboard I even restarted my modem twice but still couldn't get in and by that time it was already 6:50am and I had to leave the house at 7 if not I'd be late but I left at 7:10 anyway and thank God for Sabrina bless her soul for letting me in even though they started the doa already.

Haha what a long sentence weeeeeeee.


When I look at Machi at the corner of my eye she looks like she's picking her nose HAHAHAHAHAHA.
In the library summore LOL.


I just realized that its my last year of school and I'm going to college next year.

Omg so fast.

I mean like, its always seemed so far away and that I could always think about where I wanna go what I wanna do and what I wanna study and omg la time is running out.



K byebye.







I wanna study in UK but my mummy no money :(
Haha and with me speaking and writing like that I don't think I qualify for UK anyway. =.=

Boy, you're so hard to believe

"So what if *** is gone?? I'm sure I have what he does right? Hehe.."




Eugeney never fails to be there when I need him, although this time he was just a little late.





"Being an oblivious guy.. its possible that he doesn't know abt it.."
"Gosh. Are ALL guys this oblivious?"
"Yup.. All guys are except me maybe.. Haha."




:)

I smell like peanut cookies

My hair stinks of peanuts cookies but Im too lazy to wash it.

Khei Khei msged me just now telling me how much she hated drifting away from her friends.
Or rather how she hated that people drift apart sometimes.

I hate it too.
But its happening, and its out of my control.
In fact, I started feeling it last year; feeling that we're drifting apart.
Or rather.. I am drifting.
I tried to close the gap, but to no avail.
So I've decided to just let it flow.. and go with the flow.
People come and go, I know.
You'll just have to accept it and move on with life.
Its just easier said than done.

And to those out there who're feeling the same way,
like you feel as if you don't belong anymore,
your bestfriend doesn't feel like your bestfriend anymore,
or if you feel like you can only depend on yourself and its difficult to handle all these feelings at once,
just hold on.
You'll get used to it.
Occasionally the sadness and feeling of need for the old times will take over,
but don't worry.
It won't be so bad after you get used to it.

It won't be so bad anymore.

It won't be so bad anymore..

It won't be so bad anymore.


Just be happy it happened, they always say.
And then don't think about it anymore.
Just move on.

Move on.


What I've learnt is to never get too close to anyone.
Always remember that everything is only temporary.
Friends don't stay with you forever no matter what they say.
Its a fact of life nobody wants to recognize.

Cherish every moment you have with them, cos you never know when they have to leave,
or when you have to leave,
or when you both will start drifting apart.

Today, you both may be the best of friends.
Sharing, laughing, crying together.

Three months later, you could be like strangers.
And then you wonder to yourself, "Did all those years of friendship, joy and laughter mean anything to him/her?"







I tried.. really, I tried.

Oh, you don't mean nothing at all to me

I am having my first dose of I-don't-want-to-go-to-school-:( syndrom this year.
My nose is completely blocked, I feel as if I haven't slept at all.
And worst of all, I can't sleep even if I wanted to!
I wake up feeling hot in the middle of the night, but when I toss the covers I feel too cold.
I can't breath properly, I constantly feel like drinking water,
I don't want to go to school! :(:(:(

And to make everything worse I've a FULL day today.
School, then library shift, then tuition.

Perhaps I should just plead feverish and stay home.
But somehow.. I feel I can't. :(

Gah. What a pointless post. =.=

Hi I am 17.

My darlings took me to Chili's for my 17th birthday last Wednesday, 3rd Jan.
Steph couldn't make it though. :(



If you all didn't know, I absolutely LOVE Chili's.
Its been my favo restaurant since the day I had their bottomless tortilla chips with salsa sauce and queso.








But if y'all had read my profile column just over there on the upper left hand corner,
you'd know the MAIN reason why I love Chili's so much.








The atmosphere is comfortable, the cocktails are good, there are non-smoking seats, they've bottomless drinks, and to top it all of the food served is damned good.








I've learnt from experience that its always good to visit Chili's with your favourite people.
It makes the whole experience ever more enjoyable.








Even if they hate you taking candid pictures of them. ;P












My favourite appetizer at Chili's has always been the original Fajita Nachos.
Its basically large tortila chips topped with cheese and a chili.
Nachos are served with cream cheese and salad.








Thinking of it makes my mouth water.








There's a variety of main courses available at Chili's.
I personally enjoy the meat and the pasta dishes.


Jade's:




Monterey Chicken




Dina's:




I forgot what this is called




And I ordered my usual.

Mine:




Lamb Shoulder Steak




I swear Chili's lamb chop is The God of ALL Lamb Chops.




***




My birthday turned out better than I'd expected.
I got an icecream cake from Baskin Robbin's from my girls,
a whole load of presents, and a dinner at Chili's.

We did alot of catching up during dinner, it was too bad Steph couldn't make it. =/
We should have our little reunion soon, yeah?
:)

Thank you guys SO much for everything, I really appreciate it!
*BIG HUUUUGGG*

Loves,
Ching

Girl, put your records on

My long overdue Christmas eve post.

I know la, Christmas was like 2749506725480322377742 years ago,
but its ain't my fault all the bloody image hosters weren't working due to the earthquake.
I still can't get into photobucket, but at least imageshack is working.
Why didn't I just upload my pictures with Blogger, you ask?


I don't like my pictures so small la.
I like em big-assed.
Just like how I like my earrings and necklaces and bangles and dicks;
eventhough I looked damn retarded in all the pictures that night but wtf la who cares

Omg did I just type that hahahahahahaha





Jade, Hau-er, Jee and I went to Sanctuary for Christmas eve.
Cheang Ee was suppose to come with us, but he ended up arriving a few minutes before Christmas and after we had finished 4 jugs of beer and a bottle of Smirnoff raspberry.

Our activites for the night were just basically drinking, talking cock, dancing (we love the podium HAHA), and at 1 something after Jee and Hau-er got wasted we had to take care of them with the help of some of Hau-er and Jee's friends.

But all in all, it was fun la. I couldn't walk in a straight line but I didn't puke or anything la unlike some people hahahaha. :D

Owh yeah we had dinner at Sanctuary the food sucks don't eat there.
The music was good though.
































You see Jee smiling so widely there?
He looks so happy when he's drunk hahaha





I love my hunny snuckums :)





Still sober






Yummy






Wah my eyes damn red I look so retarded hahahahaha






This is what alcohol can do to you






Dwayne and Siang






Us






Joe Shen





Hahahahaha Jade






Yay Christmas post is done k bye :)

I am a retard

I've got a bloody eye infection and I look more like a frickin' retard now.
I need to whine.

I think the infection started a few days ago but wasn't so bad,
until I applied makeup again last night to go out for my birthday dinner.

Sigh.

So just a few minutes ago I woke up with my left eye swollen and red and really pissing me off.
=.=
And not just that! My left eye's vision is blurred, too!
OMG AM I GOING BLIND? OMGOMGOMG.

Eih serious shit weiy.
I don't wanna go blind! :(:(:(

Omg must go see doctor.


K byebye.

HaHAHaha.. haHahA.. hahaha.... haha..... ha.

I am so damned bored la omg.
I can't sleep, I can't swallow, my nose is stuffed fuck la.
Screw photobucket lah, I'll just upload everything through blogger but the pictures won't be nice cos their gonna be SMALL.


EEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee.


K.



21st Dec 2oo6 - Eugeney was still here. =/


Went to 1U with Eugeney like, super early to get tickets for my husband's (Jay Chou. Yes I know I've just shown how shameless I can be.) movie.
Afterthat, did the normal stuff that I always do when Im with Eugene and thats making the usual rounds to all the boutiques trying on everything I like while waiting for Jado to arrive.





Our movie was at 2:45pm,
and Gene and I knew that if we told her the exact time she'd come at like, 2pm.
So we lied and said that the movie was at 12.45pm so she'd hurry up hehe.
And as expected, she came at 12:45pm sharp.

After having lunch at Burger King, we went to OSC to play pool cos Jade really wanted to.
Gene and I totally didn't wanna hahaha. But it turned out fun anyway.
Met Siang and Joe and ChernJie there.







Hahahhaa yeah, the picture of the half eaten burger is there, Jade. =P




Curse of The Golden Flower was good in terms of the fighting scenes and the costumes.
The storyline is really twisted: there's incest, husband killing wife through poisoning, brother having sex with sister (although he didn't know in the beginning la), etc.

But seriously lor.
Call me a slut la, but if I found out that the guy I was sleeping with was my half brother I wouldn't feel as if I were scarred for life and run out screaming my lungs out only to get hacked when I knew there were those hacking dudes in black out there.

I'd just accept it, feel helluva disgusted proably for the rest of my life and not do it again!
Life can be so simple sometimes but people just choose to complicate it.








Met up again with Siang, Joe and Chern after the movie.
We headed to the roof of 1U to hit some balls at the batting cages afterthat.
I was broke, as usual, so I didn't play.. just enjoyed the wind while watching the others play.
I'm damn sad weiy. Hahahaha.

























Went to Yipee Cup to chill afterthat.
Drank bubble tea and played cards, then went home shortly after.








I miss Eugeney. :(
It'll be another 6 months before I see him again.
And after Jade leaves, it'll be a whole YEAR before I see her again. :(







Byebye.