1, 2, 3, 4?

My first paper is Stats 2, on the 1st of June.

This final exam will pretty much determine which country I'll go to.

It's either Aus or UK or.... here for another year. Haha.


Every time I tell someone I don't think my final grade is going to be good enough for the UK, they tell me "Can one laaa... don't worry!"

Seriously, these people.

I don't know if they're just being nice or they actually think that I "can one laaa".


And I am sort of stressed... but sort of not. Like I know I've still got fuckin shit loads to study but I just spent the last hour an a half on wedding dash.

Owh and while I'm practicing writing out my answers for Econs Unit 3 and 5 (I have not started on 6 HAHAHHA plan on cramming that whole unit in my few days of break), I tend to just stone there in the middle of writing and just... admire my own handwriting.

I am mesmerized by my own handwriting sometimes. It's so pretty and curlllyyyy. And so professional looking. HAHAHHAHAHA yes I know I'm going on about how fantastic my handwriting is... but really. Look for yourself:







My mom doesn't like it though. She said she prefers my std 1 writing when it was all fat and round, "like you!" she also added. =.=

That was some notes I scribbled down during one of Ms. Leong's econs classes so it isn't exactly my best handwriting, as Ms. Leong tends to explain stuff really fast and I had to keep up.



Right I should go study something now.

games

I was watching the first ep of the 3rd season of Ugly Betty just now.

"Listen, things between us.. they're not always going to be great. But I'm your father. You are my son. And we're in this together. So even when I have to say no.... I still love you." Daniel to DJ, Ugly Betty Season 3 ep1.


Tonight's events made me realize what a child I am around you.
I never cry at something someone says. I hardly cry when people treat me bad. And I NEVER cry when I fight with my dad.


But with you... at the slightest annoyance of your voice, immediately I feel hurt. At the smallest reprimand, I feel my throat choking up.

I am always in control of myself. When I am angry, or when I am arguing with someone, I know my points. I know how to put them in their place.

But with you... I lose all senses. I lose all defenses. With you I am like the crocodile without the scaly skin, without protection.


With you, I am a child. And you, the parent.


I was alright the whole time, until that scene in Ugly Betty. I cried while watching that scene...


and have not stopped.



I won't be the one to go to you. Because I need to know that you will come for me.


I will wait... and wait.


Even though I get the feeling that tonight there will be no more calls, no more messages.





I will wait.





With my heart in my hands;




I will wait.

They say bad things happen for a reason

I've been reading this blog of a friend of mine from college.

She's the same age as I, 19, but she's been keeping this blog since she was 14. She said goodbye to it mid of last year, which was her last post.


I've been reading every post she wrote since she started off the blog till the last one. Haha I know, damn stalker. But the things she wrote in each post... The blog was like a book, one which I couldn't stop reading till it was finished.

She wrote about the things she felt about the world around her, about the way people treated her, about her mother's supposed favoritism towards her brother... her obsession with Buffy the Vampire Slayer haha.

While I was reading it I felt like I could really relate to the loneliness she felt... like when her best friend wanted to move away, and she felt really sad about it but she showed no emotion because her bestfriend didn't seem to think that she'd be sad about her moving away.

And a whole load of other stuff which I felt but didn't know how to write it out in words.... I will not mention this person's name here though, although I don't think anyone who reads my blog knows her... but yeah.


x


I got all my offers through ucas already; Bath, Manchester and York.
Bristol unsuccessful-ed me haha. Ah well.

So right now... I'm in between Bath and Manchester. I don't know why but I'm just not feeling York.... if you get what I mean haha. And after speaking to Ying over msn last night, she said something to this effect: "Some times gut feelings hold quite some weightage... so just go with your instinct, you know?" Yeah something like that haha.

But then again, whether I go to UK or not depends on my results later on. =.=
And by the looks of it I think the chances of me achieving the required scores are quite slim... so after all this talk think I'll probably just end up in Melboune.

Which.... isn't a bad thing. Not a bad thing at all.

Jade would be there, I could just hope on the train and go all the way back to Glen Waverly to see my JadoWado for Aud$5.80 whenever I'm feeling down or need someone familiar.

Speaking of someone familiar, I saw a whole bunch of familiar faces while I was there, so no problem with that ha ha. =.= I wasn't really culture-shocked at all. Or maybe it's because I was only there for a few days....

And I have so much family over there. When Mummykins and Dad come to visit they can stay with my uncle and aunt and they can go fishing and golf-ing. Haha.

But some part of me wants to go somewhere and be on my own. With nobody I know, start anew... see how I'll fair on my own in the world.

Eager to spread my wings... is that how people put it?


Ah well. None of it is going to happen if I don't get studying like, right now.



Food first though. Hehe.

With just one wink of an eye.. like magic

May told me about this song and it's been stuck in my head since last night.

I don't know how these people keep studying for long periods of time.
My attention span just dies after 20mins max.

I'm doing a little of everything... which is good, if I'd started like 2 and a half months ago or something.

But the study plan recommended right now is hardcore stuffing things into my brain (only less than 2 weeks left) but I am still doing things as I please....

So yes, I do understand that whatever happens to my tertiary education is of my own doing.

In other words, I am digging my own grave. Bahaha!


I don't know how I find humour in these kinds of situations really.


When I lost interest just awhile ago I had nowhere to doodle so I drew on my pointer finger with my blue g1. Then my fringe fell out of my pin and tickled my nose so I rubbed it with the finger I just drew on. Now my nose is blue.


I think I'll go take a nap.

and I don't want you to go to bed mad at me, and I don't wanna go to bed mad at you

I know how much you hate that song... but right now, the words mean more than you can imagine.

It's the 3rd night I'm going to bed with tears... and soon a third morning I wake up with my eyes swollen.


But I meant what I said.


And if you never come back... then I'll know that what we had was never real in the first place.



And I wonder if you notice that every time I don't get to say this to you over the phone, I'll either text it or write it here.

Tonight, once again, I'll write it here. Because you probably put my contact on your phone black list.



Goodnight, baby. And regardless of what you're thinking or feeling right now, of what I'M thinking and feeling right now;


I love you.




... I really do.

I stunned x 100 HAHA

While waiting for Aiman to come home I was surfing facebook and I saw this and stunned HAHA

Go add her pls hehe k bye

If I was a flower growing wild and free, all I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.

"In my opinion, the best thing you can do is.. find a person who loves you, for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome; what have you. The right person's still gonna think the sun shines out your ass." - Mr. McGuff, Juno's dad.


You know that I'll always think that the sun shines right out your ass... and I hope that right now, you still think that the sun shines out my ass.

But tonight you got me sad and blue

It's hard to sleep when this bloody stabbing feeling doesn't go away.

You said you didn't want to leave your baby alone; but here I am right now... alone.



I'm glad that I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow...

Damn regret?

So my A2 exams are in 21 days; and needless to say, I am fucked.

Haha what else is new right LOL.


Right so on April 14th, Aiman and I turned half a year! Yeah I know that was like almost a month ago and I'm only blogging about it now lol. I really don't know what I do with my time these days.
I don't blog, I don't really go out late at night much and I sure as hell haven't been studying so... what happens to all that time?

Owh hmm. Now that I think about it, I've been spending most of the free time on my hands sleeping (extra) and playing stupid dash games (diner dash, cooking dash, wedding dash) BAH.

And a few days ago I think God was sending me his last warning through that tag I did on facebook. You know, the one where you put your playlist on shuffle and then after reading a question you press 'next' on your player?

Yeah so after reading the question, "What is the story of your life?", I pressed next, and the song that came up with Damn Regret by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. HAHA.

Yes... 3 more weeks. I can still make a difference.



x



Anyway, I digressed. We celebrated our 6months as a couple in Chili's, our fav place to eat!

We know that 6 months together isn't that great... but we just like to find reasons to set aside money to go have yummy food!





WET 1023 hehe.




Hello Mr. Henskem :)




Don't know why my hair was so flat that day =.=




Act cute?








Triple Play






They used to use potato skin as the base for this






Buffalo wings!




Lamb Shoulder Steak






Beef Bacon Burger




Best mashed potato ever




Yummy FAT!













It'll be 7 months in a few days.... I love you, Bubuu!



x



Dad just came in and asked me whether I've got classes tomorrow.


And it hit me. I'm done with college. I'm all done with college.


The last leg of the race is here, yet again. This is the last 100m where you sprint as hard as you can in an 800m race.


I'm just afraid that like in running... I'll end up 3rd place, at most.

Because I didn't sprint hard enough the last 100m.