Great.

My wisdom tooth has decided to grow.

It's like I don't have enough other things to worry about. Like getting my visa approved on time, missing Aiman, packing, finding accommodation, finding a job there.

Now my wisdom tooth is growing. Yay. Just... yay.

Fickle Pickle!

I am confirmed.

My mom's so stressed all she talks about now are preparations for me to go study in another country.

And I've been trying to stop feeling homesick (I know, I'm feeling homesick even BEFORE I've fuggin left home) but then again, I'd rather feel homesick now and feel less homesick when I get there.

Life is gay. The reason why I wanted to go to the UK is also now the reason why I want to stay.

Fucking fickle pickle.


I was in between sleep and wakefulness the whole 6 hours last night after I'd gotten that confirmation e-mail. Then just now I was trying to take a short nap just now, but the same thing happened. I need to put my mind at ease...

I've to keep reminding myself that this is inevitable. I have to leave the nest some day at some point... and I wanted this. I really wanted this. But now that I have it, I kind of don't want it anymore.

I suppose one of the reasons I feel like this is cos it all came as a shock to me. I thought with my crap results for A lvls I wouldn't be able to go anywhere till next year or a few years down the road and hence wasn't mentally and emotionally prepared.

And then there's the people I have to leave behind... Mummy, Daddy... Leysha...


Aiman.


My current circumstances have made me glad that I had turned into a hermit during the last 3 years. I am so glad I don't have any other can't-live-without friends besides Leysha and Aiman. It would make leaving here so much harder...


Looks like I'll be spending yet another birthday alone.

How apt, I always told my mum I'd become responsible and start taking responsibility seriously when I left my teen years.

And what better way to embrace responsibility than to turn 20 in a very culturally different country with only me to fend for myself.


Well then, goodbyes dinners/lunch/suppers/yumcha sessions/shopping trips are in order.

I want to see MAY YIII, Ashley, Mag, Caryn, Ying Xian, Steph, Syafiq (cute fat boy, now cute SLIM boy), Ken and all my other favorite people whom I grew up with.



K Terry's here so BYE!

GET IT TOGETHER, WOMAN

It's time. Every one needs to grow up some time.

And my time is now. I may not want to leave my home, Aiman, Leysha and all that are important behind, but this is just how life works.

To open another door, I have to close the one behind me first.

I am so scared. So, so afraid. In fact, for a while I couldn't even remember why I wanted to leave in the first place.

But I remember now. And as much as I don't want to... it's time to spread my wings and leave the nest.



Wish me luck, everyone! For I am already homesick, even before I have left.

I NEED SOME FUCKING CLOSURE

K I am pissed. Pissed with anxiety.

Honestly, I don't even know why I'm so anxious.
I know how much I studied (or rather lack thereof), I know how well I did the papers (or rather how badly done), I know every damned thing!

Which means I roughly know what I got. So why am I still so nervous when I know my results are going to be crap?

Isn't nervousness because of the unknown that has yet to be known?

Maybe... maybe it's because I hope, wish and pray to be proven wrong. And when the page finally loads, and I see just what I thought I would see I know that the disappointment isn't going to be any less; even though I pretty much know what Im going to get.


And now I pray. I pray for the strength to cope with disappointment once more, the strength to go forward, despite my fucking up.

I pray for peace within my soul, for sleep to be calm and easy. I pray that my parents would be strong as well, and not too disappointed with me...


Bah. Time to clean, then take a nap. I think 6am GMT meant 2pm local time.

Reminders

1. Call up the stationery supplier and order stationery
(a) Files
(b) Paper Clips
(c) Marker ink refills

2. Take out the trash

3. Stop fretting about my results. I didn't start studying early enough, and I ain't that smart. SO STOP FRETTING.

4. If my results are crappy, don't be too disappointed. It was to be expected.

5. Start planning after getting results. No time to lose.



Sigh.

=/

I am aching inside...


and I don't know what to do.

TIRED BALLS

Shit I need rest.

I miss staying home and doing nothing all day.

Went to Tesco with Mummykins the other day and bought ingredients to bake Potato Dauphinois but I think I won't have the time till Tuesday evening but by then my potatoes would have already germinated. =.=

Bah! Im so bad at organizing time. No, make that organizing in general. =/

My room is a pig sty, my office desk is better than that but pretty much the same (I keep losing receipts UURRGGHHH but there's sweet, helpful Kelly who always finds them for me <3) and Terry keeps telling me I need to start organizing but HOWWW? :(


And there's this fucking annoying fella on facebook who keeps suggesting I become a fan of himself =.= note that I do not even know this annoying motherfucker! Which is why I've been filtering my friends requests; if you do not know me personally and you add me on facebook resulting in my declining, no hard feelings ok.

Btw, that guy's name is Terri K.wei. First I thought he added me cos he was interested (haha k I know I am quite full of myself) but then after looking at his profile a bit I realize that he has a girlfriend whom he loves very much! (Apparently la, according to his facebook statuses, etc.)

SO WHY THE FUCK YOU ADD ME? Trying to accumulate like 1000 over friends is it? Trying to get popular? BAH SO ANNOYED.

What annoys me the most is that after adding me, he keeps sending me those suggestion thingies to 'become a fan of Terri Woon'.

I've declined 5 times. And he just keeps sending it again!

I mean, when someone declines, TAKE A HINT YOU FOOL!


Alright I know this does not really affect my daily life and I'm quite blowing things out of proportion again, but nevertheless I am SO irked.


Maybe it's because I am quite exhausted... all this working and then going to the mall and then working and then clubbing and etc etc is wearing me out.


I should go clean now if I want to get back for a few hours of sleep before the next partying session.

I am angry with you.

Post removed.


For I am a coward.

I miss my mommykins.

I am at work, waiting for Leysha to come pick me up so we can go and eat at McD's.

She is late. As usual. But it's owhkay Leysha baby I still love you!

I have realized lately that I do not like being so independent. I really don't.

I can't even remember why I wanted my driver's license so much, because most of the time I hate driving myself.

I don't like driving to college, there's no fucking parking.
I don't like driving to work, because parking is cut throat.
I don't like driving to 1U, it's jammed balls and parking is a bitch (owh Aiman baby I appreciate you so much more now!).

DIU it's all about the parking la.

And stupid people who drive so bloody slow and a lot of other factors which piss me off.
If you've met me and think that I am an angry person you should see me behind the wheel. You have not seen rage yet.

I also like driving fast. I notice that I like rushing around, even if I have all the time in the world. Which is weird... cos usually people don't like to rush hahaha hmmm.


So anyway last night I was driving home from Huey Wei's house in DJ. It was around 10.45pm and the roads were pretty clear so I happy happy speeding away la.
Then this guy was in my way on the fast lane so I flashed him.
Off I went happily driving at 130km/h. Then I had to slow down cos I needed to keep left to exit the highway onto Mutiara Damansara.
Just after I turned, I looked in my right side mirror and STUNNED a fucking police car behind me so I thought 'HOLY SHIT SHIT SHIT' and he was quite near sort of like tailgating me so I thought he wanted me to pull over so I slowed down a bit then he overtook me and I was like 'aaahhhhhh fuuuucccckkkkkk' but he didn't stop in front. He just went on.

Wa I damned relieved I tell you. I don't think my dad will take it nicely again this time if I tell him I got myself another speeding ticket :(

But no, I did not, and all is well.

I went home and told Curlykins and he was like "Sore la kind of wish you got pulled over you drive damn fast la"


MeanBean!


My tummy just spoke. It said "I WANT MY FUGGIN MCD'S"
WHERE ARE YOU LEYYYSH :(:(

It must have been love

There are 2 things in life right now, that I know for a fact.

1. I am never going to get slimmer, or lighter.
2. My results are not going to be good.


About no. 1, I admit. I'm starting to feel insecure about my weight. I've never felt that way before, really. Never bothered about what people said or thought about my weight, never bothered imagining being one of those girls who fit into every damned thing and who look good in almost every damned thing.

But for the past few months... mostly today, I've been imagining myself with one of those skinny little figures. Imagine all the clothes I could wear!


And we'd also have one less thing to argue about.

If just for one day I wish I could disappear.

A good read.

Sunday August 2, 2009
SHARING THE NATION WITH ZAINAH ANWAR

Brothers, be just to your sisters

Islam itself means submission to the will of God, but the submission of the self to faith and belief must be attained through conviction and reason, not through coercion and duress.

SO, Malaysia makes international news again. And for the wrong reason again. This time for the Kuantan Syariah Court’s decision to flog Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno with six strokes of the rotan for drinking a glass of beer with her husband in a hotel in Cherating two years ago.

Sudan is in the news too with the arrest of a journalist, Lubna Ahmad Hussein, and 12 other women for wearing trousers, deemed to be “inappropriate dress and conduct” under that country’s Islamic criminal law. Ten of the women were already found guilty and flogged with 10 lashes each.

Then there is the news from the Maldives that almost 150 women face public flogging after being convicted for indulging in extramarital sex. Interestingly, only 50 men face the same punishment.

What is it about men who want to implement Islamic law that they pick on women to shame and defame?

As Kartika surrenders herself to her fate, I wonder how the Pahang religious authorities are planning to execute the six lashes. Will the Prime Minister who comes from Pahang and the Cabinet yet again intervene in the enforcement of the draconian Syariah Criminal Offences law in this country?

There is much public debate now along the usual divide. Islamists who support the punishment in the name of Islam and others who are outraged on several different grounds:

> That the punishment does not reflect the gravity of the offence;

> That as a first-time offender who also pleaded guilty as charged, Kartika should not have been punished with the maximum sentence;

> Flogging is a violation of human rights as it constitutes a cruel, degrading and inhuman treatment;

> Flogging women under Syariah law constitutes yet another form of discrimination against Muslim women in this country as women are exempted from flogging under civil law;

> Neither the Qur’an nor the Hadith prescribes any form of punishment for drinking alcohol;

> There is no consensus on flogging of women or for alcohol consumption. Only three states –Pahang, Perlis and Kelantan – provide for such punishment;

> Islamic teachings emphasise forgiveness, compassion and positive personal transformation. So why punish in the first instance?

What is distressing about all these stories of women being flogged for alleged transgressions of Islamic teachings is the seeming determination of those who rule in the name of Islam to project a miso­gynistic, punitive and vindictive God.

And yet, more than any other religion, Muslims invoke the name of God, the compassionate and the merciful, numerous times a day as we say our daily prayers, read verses of the Quran, and before we start any action. Alas, all too often, this invocation of God’s name has become meaningless and has no relation to how we live our lives and treat others in the name of religion.

As Karen Armstrong said in her public lecture here two years ago, we have become so obsessed about being right in our doctrine, instead of being just in our practice.

No amount of explaining – that Syariah caning is not supposed to cause injury, it is moderate, the caning officer is not supposed to lift his arm above his shoulder – is going to take away the pain and humiliation of such a cruel and degrading treatment.

In many Muslim countries, this flogging is done in public. The Indonesian National Commission on Violence Against Women submitted a report to the UN Com­mittee Against Torture listing the abuses that occurred in Aceh and other districts in Indonesia which implement Syariah law where women were arrested and flogged for their dressing, for being out at night, for being with men not related to them.

The victimisation of women and the absence of rule of law are common trends in countries that implement moral policing laws.

That the prisons in the Maldives hold more women than men waiting to be flogged is no surprise. Men get away simply by denying they had sex with the women. But women could get pregnant and this is used as evidence of illicit sex, or the patriarchs in their family would have turned them in; while boys get away by just being boys.

The situation is similar in Pakistan, too, when the hudud law on zina was enforced. Over a thousand women are in prison for illicit sex and hardly any men. Even women who reported rape were detained as their police report was seen as confession of illicit sex because they were not able to produce four pious males who witnessed the rape.

Women’s groups in Malaysia, Indonesia and Singapore are jointly mobilising against Kartika’s sentencing, fearful of a precedent set that will have wide impact not just on Malaysian Muslim women, but also on the hundreds of thousands of Muslim women from neighbouring countries who travel, work or reside in Malaysia.

Once again, the questions arise. What kind of Malaysia do we want to live in, and project to the rest of the world? What kind of Islam do we want to practise? What kind of God do we want to envision? A God of kindness, compassion, beauty and goodness or a cruel, punitive and misogynistic God?

Does 1Malaysia include equality between men and women and equality between Muslim women and women of other faith?

The ever-so-often public outcry over arrests and abuses under the Syariah Criminal Offences laws show a clear disconnect between how the state views its role in controlling the lives of Muslims and how the citizens perceive their entitlements to privacy and personal choices.

If the Syariah Criminal Offences laws are implemented in full, Malay­sia’s prisons would collapse. The vast list of crimes range from holding an opinion contrary to a fatwa, to possessing a book contrary to Hukum Syarak, and behaving in an indecent manner in a public place.

As religion is a state matter, different states have also added different offences. In Selangor, smoking is a crime. In Terengganu, it is a crime for a woman to reveal any part of her aurat that arouses passion in the public space or for a virgin woman to abscond from the guardianship of her parents without a reasonable justification valid under Hukum Syarak.

Is it the duty of the state – in order to bring about a moral society – to turn all “sins” into “crimes against the state”? Should the state extend the long arm of the law to what should be best left to the religious conscience of the individual?

We all know that faith comes from the heart. Islam itself means submission to the will of God, but the submission of the self to faith and belief must be attained through conviction and reason, not through coercion and duress.

Compelling obedience to God in this manner could suggest a failure in the way Islam is taught in this country. Is the solution then to turn to politicians to legislate on our lives and compel our obedience? Or is it for us to search for more effective ways to teach Islam, to imbibe Islamic values so that obedience to God comes from a genuine act of faith, belief and submission? Is it beyond our ability to lead the ummah to God’s way by love, beauty, kindness and compassion rather than through fear, coercion and punishment?

Original article can be found here: http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/8/2/focus/4434576&sec=focus