Until your guilt goes up in flames

Ok these are one of the things in life I hate the most; fixing mistakes.

Making mistakes are so easy, you don't even notice when you make them. But then you realise that there are some mistakes which you need to make right, and making things right can be so difficult.

How do you do it? Why is it so hard, even if you are the one who wants it? You know it needs to be done, but yet here you are, writing about it cos you feel this queasiness just thinking about what you have to say (and do) later on it's like you're about to sit for an exam that you know you're not going to do well in.

But though I know I won't do well in this exam... I know I am not going to fail.



Ok. Deep breaths now.

What would my momma do? Uh oh, uh oh.

Mmm Im liking Pixie Lott. Grace has weird songs on her Mac and I'm liking them.
Im also starting to like the Mac. It's pretty cooollll and the keyboard is so much nicer to type.
Actually I can't say if it's nicer to type or not because I have not actually typed much with my own laptop.

I took so many tourist-y pictures of places Grace has taken me to in London, but I can't seem to remember where my usb cable is. Haha. Hahahaha.

I've had a little home sickness, but not much yet, I think it's cos Im still staying with Grace and not completely on my own... yet.

At least I'm on the way to fully settling down, still have a few more things to do and I'm allll set.
Can't wait for that to happen.

Actually, I don't miss home. I just miss the people. Mommy, Daddy, Leysha.... Aiman.


Right pray everything else goes smoothly. Till the next post, take care people.



As will I.

Cheese mushroom omelette, anyone?

The first day of Chinese New Year will be on Monday.
And tomorrow is the eve of CNY.
But this year, it doesn't feel like Chinese New Year at all.

I don't feel the anticipation of seeing old aunties, uncles, grand aunties, grand uncles, married cousins for angpau.

I don't feel the anticipation for the food my mother's oldest sister cooks for the first day of Chinese New Year.

I don't hear enough of mandarin or hokkien being spoken around me, or my nieces and nephews singing those irritating CNY songs.


I'm not packing new clothes or any clothes at all to leave for Penang tomorrow.



In my 19 years of living, this is the first year that I am not going to Penang to celebrate Chinese New Year.


This Chinese New Year, I'll not be greeting distant relatives whilst sweating in my new clothes.
This Chinese New Year, I'll not be drinking beer like water and playing with the children.
This Chinese New year, I'll not be lighting up any fireworks...

Neither will I be sharing a bathroom with 230948309583 people, or eating steamboat two days in a row, or lining up with all the other kids to receive angpaus from a whole bunch of people whom I only see once a year, or sleep with another 398535 people in the same room.






But instead, I'll be spending the eve studying industrial economics test, and the day itself doing the test.




I want to be young again, when I could do all these things.
I want to go back to Penang for Chinese New Year. I want to see my grandmother. I want to sweat in my new clothes in the sweltering CNY weather. I want to sit in the corner with Tze Lin and count the money we both collected. I want to eat the food my tua ee cooks.
I want to feel like it's Chinese New Year, and not just any other time of the year.



I want to be little again. :(