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It's 8 days before I go home for CNY, and time has never moved so slowly.
Currently writing this during a ceramah.
We have 5 days of ceramah Integrasi, and today's only the first day.
And I repeat once more, time has never moved so bloody slowly.

Spoke to mum yesterday. Heard my dad's voice in the background... no, I haven't gotten around to saying I'm sorry.
It's hard, owhkay?

and I hate saying I'm sorry.
I feel like an old woman.

When I wake up in the morning, my heel pains me.

Do NOT say it's cos of all the 5 inch heels I've been wearing; cos it only started like, last week.
I SWEAR it's the low quality shoes they give us here.
The sky is overcast this morning.
I hope it stays this way. The heat makes me so pissy.


Can't wait for this to end.

No one is that strong.

Today I woke up at 6 to get my phone.
First message was received from Slimy at 5 something am, telling me a friend fot hit by a drunkard outside his car.
Then I tried calling Jade, no response.
Tried calling May, no response.

The weight on me felt a little heavier.


Mummy called, we chatted.
She told me my grandmother's kidney isn't functioning almost completely.
She's dying.
And the rock on my chest became a little bigger.


I waited the entire day for a message or a call from you, but nothing.
Finally I caved and I smsed. Your replies were slow.
Well, what did I expect?


Mahmood announces that we have to kawad at 12am tonight as punishment for getting our flagged taken away.

A little heavier.


Thought of my dad, the way I left things.

I cracked. Tears coming down as I struggle to breathe.


No one is that strong.

Can someone get me a mask?

I laid out my towel on my bunk and here I lie shirtless writing this on a piece of paper on this swelering afternoon. I can feel my towel soaking up my sweat already.

This feels like in form 4 when the heart in Block D would be baking May and I; even the wind blowing was hot air. Just that now I'm here by myself, without May.

Well at least tomorrow's Sunday, meaning I'll get my phone; and Sunday also means the end of the week.

It has been two, so far.

Forgotten.

What's the title of the song by Zainal Abidin; the one that Weng Soon once used to sing?

I heard it today; they played it as we were exchanging signatures and numbers during CB class. I thought of you, Weng Soon, when I heard that song.
Suddenly remembered so many old memories which have been stashed in the corners of my mind for the past 6 years.


Izinkan ku mencuri bayangan wajahmu...
Maafkan lah.



x



p/s: I later learned that the name of the song is Kau Ilhamku by Manbai, not Zainal Abidin.