Why the hell does my hot chocoffee taste SALTY?
Owhkay Grace and Wei Kit are going home this weekend, and coming back on the 7th and 8th. Siang, Jade and Joe are coming down on the 22nd but going traveling on the 23rd and only coming back on the 2nd of Jan. So that's pretty much all the friends I would want to spend Christmas and New Year's with.
And that also leaves me, alone. So I'm going to Reading to stay with my cousins and not be alone :(
Also since Jon is in Portsmouth (and I assume it's near to Reading HAHA) maybe I'll go hang with him a day or two.
Other news; my hair is falling off my head in bunches. No shitz.
It's like the tress in autumn, where the leaves are falling off, particularly when the wind blows. In this case, when I run my fingers through my hair a few strands come off without fail. If this keeps up I'm going to bald.
No shitz.
Then I go on facebook and see all my friends at home; clubbing, hanging out, doing shit- and I feel crappy. I wanna go back to those times where I felt safe... where I felt like I belonged.
But I suppose this is what I am supposed to feel, right? Being out on my own in a different place. Far, far away from all that I know.
But somehow I think that these feelings began some time ago, probably in the middle of form 4.
I had moved to a class where none of my clique was in and I had to sort of make close friends all over again. It was then that I lost some friends, confidence, assertion, determination and some of what used to be my huge self esteem.
Suddenly, I was in the middle.
But of course, I gained a lot as well. I made friends with my classmates (May Yi I still love you x 100) and I saw the different social circles in a whole different way- but still, I felt like I didn't belong. May Yi made everything better those two years, but when I went to college I felt the same way again.
After that I just got used to being on my own. Sitting on my own staring into space without even pretending to be texting or surfing the net on my phone, eating on my own, shopping on my own, swimming on my own- with my thoughts as company.
Even when Leyshani and I became bestfriends, I could not and would rather not hang out with anyone else other than her, May Yi and of course, Aiman.
I've become such a hermit without even noticing it- in my little shell, reluctant to come out for anything.
I miss being sure about myself, about knowing where Im supposed to go and what Im supposed to do.
Bah well enough of this self expository shit I should change my blog layout and I should go for my 9am lecture tomorrow haha I've been skipping it for the past 3 weeks because 9am is just too friggin early.
Oh right, hot chocoffee = Hot chocolate + coffee.
I wonder how is it that I don't look like I'm balding when this much of hair is falling off my head every day.
I'll be cutting my hair this weekend. Adeline once told me that when she felt like she needed to get rid of bad juju, she'd cut her hair. Made her feel liberated, she said. So that's what I'll do. Feel liberated.
No, I won't be cutting my hair.
Grace will.
And that also leaves me, alone. So I'm going to Reading to stay with my cousins and not be alone :(
Also since Jon is in Portsmouth (and I assume it's near to Reading HAHA) maybe I'll go hang with him a day or two.
Other news; my hair is falling off my head in bunches. No shitz.
It's like the tress in autumn, where the leaves are falling off, particularly when the wind blows. In this case, when I run my fingers through my hair a few strands come off without fail. If this keeps up I'm going to bald.
No shitz.
Then I go on facebook and see all my friends at home; clubbing, hanging out, doing shit- and I feel crappy. I wanna go back to those times where I felt safe... where I felt like I belonged.
But I suppose this is what I am supposed to feel, right? Being out on my own in a different place. Far, far away from all that I know.
But somehow I think that these feelings began some time ago, probably in the middle of form 4.
I had moved to a class where none of my clique was in and I had to sort of make close friends all over again. It was then that I lost some friends, confidence, assertion, determination and some of what used to be my huge self esteem.
Suddenly, I was in the middle.
But of course, I gained a lot as well. I made friends with my classmates (May Yi I still love you x 100) and I saw the different social circles in a whole different way- but still, I felt like I didn't belong. May Yi made everything better those two years, but when I went to college I felt the same way again.
After that I just got used to being on my own. Sitting on my own staring into space without even pretending to be texting or surfing the net on my phone, eating on my own, shopping on my own, swimming on my own- with my thoughts as company.
Even when Leyshani and I became bestfriends, I could not and would rather not hang out with anyone else other than her, May Yi and of course, Aiman.
I've become such a hermit without even noticing it- in my little shell, reluctant to come out for anything.
I miss being sure about myself, about knowing where Im supposed to go and what Im supposed to do.
Bah well enough of this self expository shit I should change my blog layout and I should go for my 9am lecture tomorrow haha I've been skipping it for the past 3 weeks because 9am is just too friggin early.
Oh right, hot chocoffee = Hot chocolate + coffee.
I wonder how is it that I don't look like I'm balding when this much of hair is falling off my head every day.
I'll be cutting my hair this weekend. Adeline once told me that when she felt like she needed to get rid of bad juju, she'd cut her hair. Made her feel liberated, she said. So that's what I'll do. Feel liberated.
No, I won't be cutting my hair.
Grace will.
Labels: emocrap, random update, self discovery
posted by hweeching at
10:00 pm
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