Butterfly kiss

I've always had bloody trouble letting go.
Even now memories of the silly things we used to do, the inside jokes, the arguments, the picking on other people together and on each other still manages to put a smile on my face and tug at my heart.
And then waves of longing would wash over me and this familiar feeling of being unable to let go and wanting the old times back would overcome me again.

I hate it.

Things will never, ever be the same again. I should've fixed things when I still could but I didn't even know it was happening at the time so how was I supposed to?
No one told me anything; I didn't get no fricking signs from anything or anyone and I just didn't see those that were right before my eyes.

All this while I've blamed you for not putting in any effort but now I admit that I hold part of the blame too because I didn't try hard enough.

My heart aches.

When Wai Chuen left me, you were there to help me let go of him.
And now that've you've gone and left me... who's to help me let go of you?

I see that I've to do it alone now.

I wonder how you're getting along, how's life at home, and who's your bestfriend now.
I wonder if you currently have someone whom you could talk to like how you used to talk to me.
I wonder where you plan on going to college, what you plan to do after secondary school, and then wistfully think that if I didn't choose a different path perhaps we would still be sharing thoughts, laughter and.. our friendship.

We don't even talk anymore.



"Ching.. you and A* don't talk anymore?"
"No... I guess not."


You've been moving on with life and I've been here watching life move on.
My feet still feel rooted to the ground, and I am unable to accept the fact that things have changed, times have changed, you have changed, we have changed.

Perhaps one day.. when I'm not such an emotional accident we'll talk again.

But it will never be the same again.


All these regrets and crying have worn me out.
This weight upon my chest feels heavier than ever...

Good night.