You don't wear my chains.

It's already July.



So many things to think about, so many datelines to catch.
Thankfully, most of them are over already.
There's only the issue of my class's page money and trials and SPM.

Before last Friday, I was so sure of what my plans for the future were.
Do pre-U here, go to Aussie to study and to live with Jade after that.

But after attending a talk on U.S. education by Andrew and Sin Seanne's brother last Friday,
I'm beginning to think maybe there's a different path I should take.
But as exciting as the whole prospect of studying in the U.S. sounds, it intimidates and scares me more than ever.

I wanna learn not just what is in my major, but a whole bunch of languages and makeup and nail art, dermatology, LITERATURE!

In the U.S. they can accommodate those needs, but not in other countries.

I want to go to the U.S. to pursue my further education.

I've heard that in the talk money is not an issue in the U.S. as long as you can qualify into the Uni/College.

And there poses the question(s): Am I good enough? Will I be good enough? How good is good enough?

All this while I've not been thinking outside the box, just going along with the flow and what my parents want of me. I guess they've never thought of bigger plans for me, because I know they believe I am only mediocre.

The past year and recent happenings have convinced me that I am only mediocre.

But now, the question is: Do I continue being mediocre? Will I be contented with being just mediocre? Or should I strive for something bigger? Should I break the flow and do something almost none of my family members have done?

And those questions are then preceded by other questions such as: What if I fail? Will I be able to take the blow? What if I'm not good enough? What if the plans I made are too big for me?

I am scared.

Well I'll just worry about my SPM for now. If I can't pull 9A1's off it's goodbye education in U.S.
SPM... owh, SPM.



It's already July.



***















These carefree days are almost gone.